Week 12 Picks

Houston Texans -5.5 @ Jacksonville Jaguars

If you’ve seen Blaine Gabbert play and you’ve seen Houston’s defense, you know why this pick is so easy. Even if it is Matt Leinart at the helm for the Texans…

Buffalo Bills @ New York Jets -2.5

The human brain is an amazing thing, it really is. Sometime over the past seven weeks I thought the Bills were legit because of their offense, thought they were a possible wildcard because of their offense, than now think they will miss the final wildcard spot because of their offense and horrid defense. It was fun while the Bills were gifted piles of tipped ball interceptions, but now that it’s over, we’ve seen what their defense really looks like.

Cleveland Browns @ Cincinnati Bengals -6

Note to Brown’s management: rookie hazing that borders on mental abuse probably isn’t the most effective way to cultivate your starting quarterback. 

Minnesota Vikings @ Atlanta Falcons -9

In my little Thanksgiving piece I forgot to mention one other thing I’m thankful for: the Atlanta Falcons. Why is that? Because the Falcons are one of the few teams in which we know exactly what we are getting. They’ve got a solid ground game; they’re a decent ball control offense, play solid defense (eighth in the league per DVOA), and boast a relatively efficient passing game. They’re good but not great at anything; a blessing considering the state of the league at this point.

Arizona Cardinals @ St. Louis Rams -1

Reports indicate Kevin Kolb will make the start today. I ask you this: is that much of an upgrade from John Skelton? That I’m even asking this question ought to indicate the silliness of Kevin Kolb’s sixty million dollar contract. Oh, and my super sleeper pick…

Carolina Panthers -3 @ Indianapolis Colts

If this game isn’t a 35-32 affair or something close, it really demonstrates Curtis Painter's ineptitude because this is a pairing of the league’s worst two defenses per the Football Outsiders.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers +3.5 @ Tennessee Titans

Hasselbeck hurt his elbow last week, but not to the point where he will be unable to start against the Bucs. It’s a slippery slope and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a sign of things to come. It’s Matt Hasselbeck we’re talking about, after all.

Chicago Bears -5 @ Oakland Raiders

Oakland’s got a bottom five run defense, perfect for Matt Forte to go to work. Oh, and you just can’t trust Carson Palmer against one of the better defenses in the league.

Washington Redskins @ Seattle Seahawks -2.5

Oof, not exactly America’s Game of the Week. The Seahawks are a different team at home and the Skins’ always find a way to shoot themselves in the foot. Also, I dreamt I was best friends with Brian Orakpo in a past life last night. Weird, right?

Denver Broncos +8 @ San Diego Chargers

Will something bad happen if I continue picking against Tebow and friends? I feel like my Day of Reckoning will be upon me if I don’t right the ship…and soon.

New England Patriots -3 @ Philadelphia Eagles

I had a great joke lined up here about how the Patriots should just go after NBA players to play in their secondary because it would be a hell of a lot better than what they have currently, but then the NBA lockout had to go and actually end. F@#$ the NBA lockout.

Pittsburgh Steelers -11 @ Kansas City Chiefs

Tyler Palko threw three interceptions against one of the league’s worst pass defenses Monday Night. Due to the Transitive Property Palko should throw 12 against the Steelers. Wait, is that right? I was never very good at Math…

New York Giants +7 @ New Orleans Saints

The Giants are the opposite of the Saints—we have absolutely no freaking clue what we’re getting. Will it be the clutch offense and unstoppable pass rush that beat the Patriots, Bills, and Dolphins? Or will it be the mistake prone offense and pass rush anemic defense that lost to the Eagles, 49ers, and Seahawks? If it sounds like I’m talking about two teams, I kind of think I am. I’m thoroughly convinced there are actually three Manning brothers: Peyton, Eli, and Eli’s evil twin. Both Eli’s play for the Giants and God decides who he wants to see every Sunday. It’s the only logical explanation. Based on last week’s horrendous offensive performance against the Eagles I would expect the Giants to drop an easy 40 points on the Saints and for the defense to sack Brees seven times.

Upset of the Week: Denver Broncos OVER San Diego Chargers

Pounding of the Week: Pittsburgh Steelers OVER Kansas City Chiefs

Lock of the Week: New York Giants OVER New Orleans Saints

Last Week: 7-6

Overall: 80-75-8