Week 11 Picks

Yes, that's Tyler Palko, in all his face grabbing glory.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Green Bay Packers -13

Tampa Bay’s offense continues to slip into oblivion. Surprisingly, their defense is even worse—30th in the league per DVOA. Pairing a painfully slow offense with a painfully inept defense probably isn’t the formula to beating the Packers.

Carolina Panthers @ Detroit Lions -4.5

Anyone can drop 30+ on Carolina’s defense. No, seriously, only four teams haven’t. Broken finger and all, Matthew Stafford can still launch a few bombs to Calvin Johnson…who cares if they don’t have a running game this week?

Jacksonville Jaguars +7 @ Cleveland Browns

I think the Jaguars are better, but who the hell knows what will happen when two stinkers play each other? This has 9-6 written all over it. Speaking of 9-6, couldn’t LSU beat the Browns on a neutral field 9 out of 10 times?

Oakland Raiders @ Minnesota Vikings +3

The AFC West is this year’s version of the 2010 NFC West…meaning pick against them when they venture outside of the division, and when they’re playing each other, for the love of God, look away.

Buffalo Bills +8 @ Miami Dolphins

Buffalo is falling and the fish are rising, but can we PLEASE just remember two very important things? Tony Sparano is still coaching, and Matt Moore is still the Quarterback. Let’s all not jump off the Buffalo bandwagon so quickly, okay? Don't you still believe in FITZMAGIC?

Dallas Cowboys -9 @ Washington Redskins

I live in Virginia; hence the local broadcast always features the Redskins. Every sports bar always features the Redskins. Every Dick’s Sporting Goods sells nothing but Redskins apparel. Why do I live in Virginia again?

Cincinnati Bengals @ Baltimore Ravens -5

I wanted to pick the Bengals, I really, really did. If you read this blog with any regularity (which, admittedly, has been sparse as of late) you know I hate the Ravens. But rookie wideout A.J Green is a likely scratch and cornerback Leon Hall is done for the season. Can the Bengals beat a 6-3 team—no matter how over-valued I think they are—without two of their best players? I don’t think so, and that's quite disheartening.

Arizona Cardinals @ San Francisco 49ers -7

There are some things in life that are simply impossible to comprehend, like John Skelton looking better than Arizona’s 60 million dollar man—Kevin Kolb—in his first two starts of the season. Can he continue the magic in his third straight start? Wait, you trust him on the road against arguably the best defense in football? Yeah, I thought so.

Seattle Seahawks @ St. Louis Rams -2

Will anyone watch this game? Why should I be forced to pick the outcome, and, if I’m wrong, suffer accordingly? Why is life so unfair?

Tennessee Titans @ Atlanta Falcons -2.5

Mike Smith’s decision to go for it on 4th and 1 on his own 30 in overtime was an inexcusably poor move (and I'm somewhat of a connoisseaur of irrantionally ballsy moves), but let’s not lose sight of the fact that the Falcons are probably the league’s best boring team. And yes, that’s kind of a compliment. They’ve lost by only an average of 8.75 points, and in a loss to Green Bay; they held them to their second lowest point total of the year. I think they’ll take care of business and stay alive in the NFC South.

San Diego Chargers @ Chicago Bears -6

I love the Bears. I love that we’re finally appreciating Jay Cutler’s talent now that he’s got some time to actually throw the ball. It’s clear that Cutler is one of the five most physically gifted quarterbacks in the NFL, right? In other news, it’s clear that the Chargers aren’t anything close to contenders, and as physically intimidating as their pass catchers are, they can’t stay on the field.

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants -5

Michael Vick and Jeremy Maclin have both been ruled OUT for Sunday Night’s game. This is a slam dunk, right? That’s Philly’s star quarterback and most reliable wide receiver—both out. Oh, and Vince Young is getting the start. Gulp.

Kansas City Chiefs @ New England Patriots -14

Who is Tyler Palko? Well, he’s going to be starting at Quarterback for the Chiefs against one of the five best teams in the league.

From the ever-reliable Wikipedia:

“Tyler Palko (born August 9, 1983 in Imperial, Pennsylvania) is an American football quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs of the National Football League. He was signed by the New Orleans Saints as an undrafted free agent in 2007. He played college football for the University of Pittsburgh.

Palko was the starting quarterback at Pittsburgh from 2004 to 2006. He was not selected in the 2007 NFL Draft, but was signed by the New Orleans Saints as an undrafted free agent. After spending the 2007 season on the Saints practice squad and occasionally the active roster, Palko did not play football in 2008. He joined the Arizona Cardinals on a future contract in December 2008 before being waived in September 2009. Palko then joined the Montreal Alouettes of the Canadian Football League before signing with the Pittsburgh Steelers in November 2009. He signed a future contract with the Kansas City Chiefs in 2010 but spent most of the 2010 season on the practice squad before being elevated to the active roster near the end of the season. He entered the 2011 season as the back-up to Matt Cassel. Due to a hand injury that Cassel suffered in week 10, Palko will start his first game in the NFL on November 21, 2011.”

Upset of the Week: Minnesota Vikings OVER Oakland Raiders

Lock of the Week: New York Giants OVER Philadelphia Eagles

Pounding of the Week: New England Patriots OVER Kansas City Chiefs

Last Week: 8-8

Overall: 73-69-8