PANIC TIME?

We’ve got a new couple of words to describe the Los Angelas Lakers, ones we haven’t been able to bring out in a long time: they suck. Now that’s the glass-half-empty-seismic-over reaction-you’re an idiot take. But that’s what happens in sports media, we overreact. And especially so when contending teams or great players fall off for a period of time. We’re so used to Kobe and the Lake-show’s continued brilliance that three straight double digit defeats has sports columnists spouting out the-end-of-days cliché’s over the Laker’s sudden mediocrity and proclamations that L.A will be overtaken by the streaking Mavericks and Spurs. Three straight defeats have people declaring that the west has been lost by the defending champs, a new order has risen.


The three straight whippings suffered by L.A have been striking. They lost to the offensively stunted Milwaukee Bucks by 19, the upstart Heat by 16, and the equally aged San Antonio Spurs by 15. At one point against the Spurs Bryant missed thirteen shots in a row on his way to an 8-27 shooting night. They haven’t lost three straight by 15+ points since the 2006-2007 season. So what’s going on here?

Three reasons for their drop-off:

1. Getting killed on the fast break

During L.A’s three game losing streak they’ve been outscored 13-28 on the break. This athleticism deficiency was painfully apparent against the Heat (the best fast break team in the league) as they were outscored 8-17 in transition. It’s not hard to believe when you think about it. Kobe Bryant has logged nearly 50,000 minutes in 1,250 games without ever missing a season, Pau Gasol is 30 (and was never particularly fast), Lamar Odom is 31, Derek Fisher is 36, Ron Artest 31, and Andrew Bynum 23 but perennially injured. Those are their best six players, with all but one (did I mention he’s injured all the time) in their thirties. And although Kobe Bryant is only 32 he turned pro directly after High School, putting more wear + tear on his body than usual. Add all that up and it’s pretty obvious how the supremely athletic Heat destroyed them with their legs.



2. Pau Gasol not playing like he was in the beginning of the season…

During L.A’s eight game tear to open the 2010 campaign Pau Gasol averaged a 23-11-5 on 38 minutes per game (mpg)…all of which would be career highs. But during the month of December Gasol has been averaging only a 16-9.5-4 on 37 mpg. He registered a mere nine points and nine boards against the Spurs while only attempting eight field goals. And consider this: when Gasol hits ten or more shots L.A is 7-1.

When the Lakers were once again looking like the best team in basketball through November it seemed that Kobe was allowing Pau to take a much larger role in the offense. No longer was he throwing up 20 to 25 shots a game, he was more content to be a facilitator, play lock down defense, and let the offense come to him-essentially embracing the triangle concept. Now though, Bryant is back to hoisting up tons of shots (59 in the past three games) and Gasol has once again settled for second fiddle.

This has me wondering whether Pau Gasol is capable of carrying the load as Bryant has done for so long. Can he play 40 a game while putting up a 22-11 on a nightly basis? If the Lakers intend to three-peat he’s gonna’ have too.



3. Kobe Bryant’s not playing like the “Black Mamba”

We’re as used to seeing Kobe put up an obscene amount of shots as watching a bad “Saturday Night Live” skit or Rex Ryan embarrassing himself. He’s always had a dizzying array of offensive moves-from fall away jumpers to ferocious slams-that’s what has made him such a devastating force for so long. What added to his greatness was his ability to one possession hit a fade away 16-footer then the next to blow past some hapless guard and slam it home. The man could score from anywhere, and any way. He had the touch of a marksman and the athleticism of a slam dunk champion.

This season he seems to have lost much of his “hops”-that is to say his ability to blow by other players and score based on athleticism. He relies on his veteran savvy, jump shooting skill, and array of post moves to put up points. It’s good enough to play a big part on a team, but not to carry one. Defenders know he can’t blow by them anymore and they’re not falling for his pump fakes any longer. He’s moved past the phase of career when he can put up thirty a game…or so I believe.

That’s what made the beginning of the Laker’s 2010-2011 campaign so special, Kobe was finally taking a back seat and handing the keys of the offense to Pau Gasol. He was accepting the Robin costume and looking to be more of a facilitator. In recent weeks that has stopped, and suddenly L.A has dropped three in a row.



As much as I enjoy the sky falling in Los Angelas, let’s all remember we’re not even half way through the season. Did the story of the 2009-2010 Boston Celtics happen so long ago everyone forgot? Is that where we are in the twenty-first century? The C’s went 27-27 after Christmas, turned it on like Donkey Kong in the playoffs, and were a poop-filled offensive performance and a couple improbable Ron Artest threes away from their second title in three years.

Also keep in mind that the pace changes in the post-season. It turns into a grind-it-out, half-court, defensive type of game—just what the Lakers want. Each possession matters more and efficient offensive play plus solid defense wins playoff games. Teams that are running L.A off the court in January won’t be doing the same in May.

Kobe Bryant may be struggling with his shot now, but I doubt he will come playoff time. The same doubts were creeping up last season as Kobe farted all over their first round series against the Thunder-putting up 23-4-4 on 40% shooting from the field, 72% from the line, and turning the ball over almost four times a game. Then came the sweep of Utah and grinding victory over Phoenix where Bryant averaged a 33-7-6 on 52% shooting from the field and 87% from the line. He scored less than thirty points only once in the two series’-a twelve point win over the Suns.

By far the easiest prediction to make this year was a 48-50 win campaign for the Lakers as they flipped on easy-mode through the regular season. Just coming off two consecutive championships and hundred game seasons for most of the roster, why wouldn’t they coast a little bit? During Phil Jackson’s first three-peat with the Bulls, Chicago had two consecutive 60+ win seasons than slid to 57 in their third title year.

The NBA over the years has taught us that championship caliber teams can turn it on in the playoffs. With one of the all-time greatest coaches in history, and the most competitive player in the league you don’t think the Los Angelas Lakers can do the same? In the immortal words of the “Monday Night Live” countdown crew: Come on Man!

The Morning After

 
1.      Mike Singletary tenure was painful to watch…

As I see it, three main things an NFL coach needs to be proficient at: game-planning week in and week out, formulating an identity and building the team around it, and effectively getting along with/managing players. Considering the 49ers record under Singeltary this year he may not be an efficient game planner. You can’t use his talent base as an excuse…many predicted that the 49ers would run away with the west. Considering how Coach Singletary can’t seem to stick with the same starting quarterback for more than thirty minutes at a time he seems unable to form an identity with his offense. Lastly-and most obviously Sunday-he seems incapable of getting along with his players.

Who knows what was said between the two (Singletary and Troy Smith) during Troy’s sideline outburst but that stuff can’t happen. It’s pretty clear that Singletary has lost all respect from his players; much like Brad Childress did in Minnesota. I like Singletary’s intensity but for whatever reason he is unable to get through to his team…just because he was a hall of fame player and yells a lot does not mean he is a good leader. And back to his inability to find an identity on offense. By my unofficial count, Singletary made his 739th quarterback change of the season, going from Troy to Alex Smith a couple plays after Troy’s bad interception. If you’re looking for a way to build confidence and continuity…don’t follow the 49er model…



2. Green Bay’s thrashing of New York was the Giants in a nutshell…

Not to toot my horn, but to toot my horn I had the G-men pretty well figured out prior to their Sunday afternoon meltdown at the hands of the Green Bay Packers. They’re a talented team with a frightening defensive line, pro-bowl quarterback, 2,000 yard backfield, stable of skilled receivers, and solid offensive line. But they’ve turned the ball over 40 times through 15 games…nearly three a game. Pretty incredible for a team that set the NFL record for fewest turnovers during a season with 13 in 2008. Ahmad Bradshaw is a large part of the problem with seven fumbles lost as is the receiving core that has repeatedly dropped balls that have led to interceptions. Turnover differential is one of the clearest indications of winning we have so it’s no surprise New York’s sloppiness has come back to bite them…hard. I have no idea what the root of the problem is, but I’m sure the Giants could have contended for a championship if they weren’t so sloppy.



3. After Houston’s big win over Indy who thought they would be 5-10 heading into week 17?

Come back to week one with me, where the Houston Texans had just crushed the Indianapolis Colts…seemingly getting the monkey off their back. Everyone thought they had arrived (including this guy) with the missing piece being running back Arian Foster. What could stop them now? They had a pro bowl quarterback, the best receiver in football, an explosive ground game, and some nice young talent on defense…the new darlings of the NFL. But no one counted on an offense that refused to come alive until it was down by double digits and a defense that made the likes of Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez look like MVP candidates.

The problem is Gary Kubiak, who has failed to instill a sense of toughness and accountability throughout the roster. That failure has led to numerous lifeless performances and a sense that once the team accomplishes one goal they’re content to sit on their high horse and not move on to the next one. The team needs a tough, hard-nosed head coach that will instill toughness throughout the roster and a skilled defensive coordinator to get that side of the ball back to respectability. Do those two things and I really believe the Houston Texans are talented enough to contend for a playoff spot.



4. The San Diego Debacle…

With the Chargers absolutely needing a win to keep their playoff hopes alive, a trip to Cincinnati seemed like the perfect Christmas gift…not so fast. San Diego committed an epic choke job getting pummeled 34-20 by the 4-10 Cincinnati Bengals. What’s even worse than their flat performance Sunday was another awful start to the season. It had never mattered much as they were playing in the worst division in football, but with the rise of the Chiefs they had to actually fight for the division title this year…8-8 wasn’t gonna’ do it. Losing to the Chiefs, Rams, Seahawks, and getting swept by the Raiders earlier in the year is inexcusable. Injuries played a part in the season, sure, but the real failures lie in the reliance on quarterback Philip Rivers. He’s one of the best, but no quarterback can function without a running game as Rivers has done all season. General Manager A.J Smith traded up 16 spots to nab running back Ryan Mathews but he managed only 558 rushing yards for a 4 yard average this season, even falling behind fullback Michael Tolbert on the depth chart. If they are to make a successful run next year they will need to strike a greater offensive balance.

Unlike the other top teams in the league the Chargers lack attention to detail and the ability to play in cold weather. When San Diego tried a wide receiver reverse with Vincent Jackson on the first play from scrimmage he dropped the ice-cold ball which resulted in a 19 yard loss that brought them back to the one yard line. And then, two drives later fullback Michael Tolbert fumbled the ball which landed in Cincinnati hands. It’s obvious the California boys weren’t ready for the biting cold and swirling snow, and thus, not ready for postseason football. Norv Turner should have realized his team’s incapability to play in inclement weather (they also lost to the Chiefs week one, in a torrential downpour) and fought all the harder for home field advantage…



5. The Jet’s defense is no longer elite…

The Jets have continued to receive the benefit of the doubt thanks to their terrific defensive performance last year, but that needs to end. The root of the problem? New York isn’t getting any pressure on the quarterback. They registered only five sacks against the Steelers and Bears combined, two of the worst offensive lines in the league. Rex Ryan continues to send the house but it rarely arrives at its destination. As good as their secondary can be, a severe lack of a pass rush puts too much pressure on the back end. Mark Sanchez played well enough to beat Chicago, but once again the defense let the team now. Based on that performance it’s clear the Jets are incapable of beating the elite offensive teams in the league.



6. Chad Henne sure has made it easy for Dolphins management…

Remember when Miami was a trendy pick to win the AFC East and possibly make a run at the Super Bowl? Chad Henne put that hope to bed. He’s entered the Derek Anderson zone of bad quarterbacking now, throwing two abominable interceptions to lose to the visiting Detroit Lions. The first pick was just our boy Henne firing the pass wide left…a very makeable throw. The second was another atrocious pass into double coverage that led to a pick six to seal the game for the Lions…and a stunning three game winning streak. Once again, Henne has no excuses…the Dolphins surrounded him with all the weapons, signing all-pro wideout Brandon Marshall to a mammoth contract. I would be shocked if Chad Henne was back under center again next year…



7. Peyton Manning is such a fag…

Just kidding, just kidding (as far as you know…). But that naked bootleg call against Oakland to seal the win was absolutely brilliant. Who would imagine Manning would ever run a bootleg? He probably hasn’t run one since….since…since pop warner football. As Peyton turned left and sprinted towards the end zone there wasn’t anyone in front of him, the whole defense crashed right as Manning ran left. How was this possible?

The Colts lined up in a “12” personnel grouping meaning one halfback in the backfield with two tight-ends aligned on either side of the line of scrimmage. Both wideouts were also positioned on the right side of the field forcing the defensive backs to that side…away from where Peyton was going to run. Manning then faked the handoff to the half back perfectly, further pulling the defense in. At this point only two things could have crossed the mind of the defenders: This is play action or a run up the middle and they probably thought run considering there was only 1:30 left in the game with the Colts up five. Then Manning did what he’s never done before and chugged it all the way to the five, choosing to slide so he could run out the clock. Peyton Manning, the next Michael Vick?



8. Scared by what I saw from Atlanta…

It was by no means a must win for the dirty birds, but don’t think for a minute they didn’t want that victory more than anything all season. It was their much deserved national spotlight, something they haven’t gotten in a long time. It was against their division rivals, a chance for Atlanta to burst onto the national scene and be recognized as the best team in the NFL. A thorough win over the defending champs would mark the Falcons as the best squad in the NFC, and possibly the whole league. It was Atlanta’s final exam and they flunked. The defense had a monster game with two interceptions-one returned for a touchdown, and about 39 missed sacks. They did their part holding one of the best offenses in football to only 17 points.

The offense, however, looked anything but Super Bowl worthy. Can we stop calling quarterback Matt Ryan “Matty Ice” now? He had a chance to really earn that moniker by driving the Falcons to a go ahead score in the closing minutes of the game but like the rest of the team, failed his final test. They will earn their number one seed for the postseason after beating Carolina next week but they had a chance introduce themselves to the world in a big way against the Saints…and they flunked. Horrible play calling on the offensive side coupled with no balls. The decision to punt on fourth down with two minutes ago turned out to be a killer mistake…

9. Strange tidings from Cincinnati…

I’ve been critical of Carson Palmer all season, as he seemed to have really lost his quarterbacking prowess. But with wideouts Terrell Owens and Chad OchoCinco sitting out the San Diego game Palmer had an opportunity to work with his young receivers…an opportunity he seemed to relish. As Bill Cowher aptly put, Carson Palmer was finally smiling again. So what could it be? My theory is Palmer doesn’t have the disposition to handle the diva personalities of Owens and Chad. The need to constantly throw them the ball wore down Carson’s resolve and killed his enjoyment of the quarterback position.

Just like in any walk of life, it’s tough to excel at your job when you have to work with people who are difficult. Suppose you’re assigned a project at a work, forced to partner with someone who’s known to be tough to work with. They’re bossy, vindictive, want to do everything, and shoot down every idea that isn’t theirs. We’ve ALL worked with people like this. Why is football any different? Palmer was forced to coincide with two VERY difficult people, and midway through the season he was ready to give up. When Carson was given the opportunity to spread the ball around to young, hungry, and hardworking receivers he seemed to enjoy himself again. Instead of demanding the football they cherished even being on the gridiron. And look what happened…

Week 16 Picks

It's Christmas and I'm working...growing up in the world. I had a Derek Andersonian-like performance last week when I went 8-8 (well, maybe a little better than Anderson) so I'm hoping for a big rebound week. Enjoy this...all seven of my readers.

Dallas Cowboys @ Arizona Cardinals (32-20)

John Skelton didn’t exactly conjure up any memories of Kurt Warner last Sunday against Carolina but Larry Fitzgerald did manage to excite despondent fantasy owners across the country as he caught nine balls for 125 yards. Considering how awful Dallas’s secondary is a repeat performance may be in order…assuming Skelty’ boy doesn’t spend the majority of his time under 260 pound DeMarcus Ware. Truth is though, Arizona just lost to the Panthers, and our friend Skelton was out dueled by a certain Jimmy Clausen…how can you come back from that? Truth is: you can’t, because there’s nothing to come back from; Arizona’s season is about as lifeless as Al Davis’s rotting corpse.

New England Patriots @ Buffalo Bills (41-21)

I wrote it in my power rankings and I’ll write it again: The Patriots were PISSED after that poor showing in Green Bay and are treating it like a loss. Everyone knows what happens when the Patriots come off a poor showing: all guns ablazing’. Take their loss against Cleveland for example; the next week they visited Pittsburgh and whupped them 39-26…and the Buffalo Bills aren’t exactly the Pittsburgh Steelers. I see no conceivable way this isn’t a blowout…

New York Jets @ Chicago Bears (20-6)

After a mid-week scare over Mark Sanchez’s ability to play (shoulder) it looks like he’s pretty much a lock to start. After a mid-week report about Rex Ryan’s foot fetish it looks like it’s pretty much a lock that he’ll wear a brown paper bag over his head. Okay, my first and last bad Rex Ryan joke…and that’s a promise.

Rex and his defense aren’t as dominant as it was last year, but you could catch whiffs of that against the Steelers. Most of the problem is due to an inability to create pressure…something that shouldn’t be a problem against the Bear’s less-than-mediocre offensive line. I really think the Jet’s defense can wreak havoc on the Bear’s offense; akin to what the Giants did to them week four.

I trust Mark Sanchez less than I would trust Rex Ryan with my wife’s feet (if I had one) but I can smell an apocalyptic Jay Cutler performance that will propel the Jet’s to their second in a row. GULP.

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns (28-10)

Peyton Hillis had a genuine virtuoso evisceration performance against the Ravens week three as he ran for 144 yards on 22 carries and a touchdown on the way to a close loss. Do they let that happen again? Well, defensive captain Ray Lewis had this to say: “a blind cat will find a meal every once in a while” in reference to Hillis’s breakout performance. So Ray Lewis is pissed, and a pissed off Ray Lewis is not a good guy to have to run towards, and threw. The (pretty obvious) key for the Browns is how successful quarterback Colt McCoy is. To beat the suddenly hot Ravens he’ll need to be a little better than efficient, something we haven’t seen from him yet.

Tennessee Titans @ Kansas City Chiefs (24-13)

The Titans rebounded last week and shellacked a Houston Texans team playing about as lifelessly as the husk of Randy Moss (I promise, no more Randy Moss jokes henceforth). Which equates to the New York Yankees winning the Little League World Series...can you see where I’m going with this? The Chiefs are undefeated at home with the league’s best rushing attack facing the 17th best run defense. In other words, this set’s up perfectly for a Kansas City victory, and maybe, a division title. Oh, and Chief’s HB Jamaal Charles has compiled 1,303 rushing yards on a mere 203 attempts…good for a 6.4 average. Is it just me or is Charles a better version of Chris Johnson, and the best back in the league?

San Francisco 49ers @ St. Louis Rams (20-7)

Reasons that the 49ers are bad: Their quarterback pool consists of Troy Smith and Alex Smith. They have no running game now that Frank Gore is done for the season. They have the 17th worst scoring defense in the NFL. The offensive line has given up 38 sacks: 27th in the league. Alex Smith is the starting quarterback. The starting quarterback is Alex Smith. Alex Smith=starting quarterback.

Reasons that the Rams are bad: Sam Bradford averages less than six yards per pass. The offensive line has given up 30 sacks: 14th in NFL. They’re 18th in the league in third down conversions. They’re leading rusher Steven Jackson averages less than four yards per rush.

I’ll take the Rams for the following three reasons: they’re a different team at home; Sam Bradford is to Alex Smith what New York City is to Fallujah, and my “naughty list” for the 49ers is a tad longer than it is for the Rams.

Detroit Lions @ Miami Dolphins (17-13)

Miami’s the most zigzag team in the league. Seriously: Since their bye week in week five Miami hasn’t won or lost two in a row. They just had a zag against the Bills; shouldn’t they be due for a zig against the mediocre Lions? Sadly, that’s all I got…

Washington Redskins @ Jacksonville Jaguars (30-27)

I wrote the following in my picks last week: “Here’s to hoping Rex Grossman doesn’t confuse himself for Dan Marino”. Well America, it nearly happened. His stat line: 322 yards on 43 attempts with four thrown touchdowns and two interceptions.

My exact reaction, to a tee. Thankfully, we got the best of Rex and the worst of Rex against the Cowboys. A couple sweet passes and reads intermixed with some wildly inaccurate tosses and laughable interceptions. All that was against the Cowboy’s moribund secondary, which means we probably saw the best Grossman has to offer. Fortunately for the Skins, the Jaguars secondary is about as bad as the Cowboys (Cowboy’s: 28th ranked pass defense, Redskins: 30th ranked pass defense). In addition, the Jags will most likely be without star back’ Maurice Jones-Drew (doubtful for Sunday) who functions as THE key cog to their offense. Without him the Jags will be forced to pass, pass, and pass…which all adds up, in my book, to a potential upset.

Indianapolis Colts @ Oakland Raiders (30-17)

I thought the Jags would pound the hell out of Indianapolis on the ground, control the clock, and make the plays to win it. Unfortunately for me, Maurice Jones-Drew managed a “herculean” 46 yards on the ground against the 28th worst run defense in football. Jones-Drew has been dealing with knee troubles all season and is out against the Redskins…could his poor effort be a product of injury rather than an improved Colts run defense? I think that’s a distinct possibility; if you watched him run you could see that he lacked explosiveness. In addition, the Colts built up a quick lead which forced Garrard to have to throw a lot…something I see happening again in Oakland.

Colts go up big fast, force the Raiders to throw, and take the running game right out of it. Fact is, don’t bet against Peyton Manning when he’s fighting for a playoff spot. If you’re still not convinced, who would you go with: Jason Campbell or Peyton Manning?

Houston Texans @ Denver Broncos (34-16)

Good God, this is a 4 o’clock game. Can they flex this to, uhhhh, maybe never? A wonderful chess match between the outmatched Studesville who looks like he wants to get the hell out of dodge and the outmatched Kubiak who once gave the game ball to a player who was ejected mid-game for fighting. And that was my glass half full take. I’m tempted to take Denver because who knows how much damage Tim Tebow can wreak on a poor defense but unfortunately for the Broncos their defense is even worse. The trio of Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, and Arian Foster should be able to tear it to pieces.

 

UPDATE: It doesn't look Andre Johnson will play, which of course is a big blow to the Texans. Regardless, I still like the Texans in this one...as long as they can play like they care, for once.

San Diego Chargers @ Cincinnati Bengals (38-20)

Carson Palmer vs. Philip Rivers. Need I say more? San Diego has been good all year…minus their special teams. But as of late that much maligned unit has vaulted out of “worst ever status” into really, really, really bad (http://www.footballoutsiders.com/dvoa-ratings/2010/week-15-dvoa-ratings. 5th paragraph) and hasn’t had any cataclysmic screw-ups over the past couple weeks. Unfortunately for the Bengals, the only way they win is if the Chargers have several of those cataclysmic special teams’ screw-ups. If so, look for this:


New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers (23-20)

The Giants are a comedy of errors. Their defense can win games as much as they lose them. They can get seven sacks through three quarters than give the quarterback all day in the fourth. Eli can propel the offense to 30 points than go three and out in the most important drives of the game. And their special teams, well, they’re bad all the time. Long story short, New York can’t string together a solid sixty minute performance. And that is why the Giants can be so hard to call…it looks like they can win a contest on paper, but in reality, they’ll end up giving the game away.

Green Bay has a bunch of quick, good after the catch wideouts…precisely the type that has repeatedly burned the slow Giant’s secondary. With Aaron Rodgers back under center New York will have trouble containing the Packer’s prolific offense.

The big “if” in this contest is how the Giants bounce back from their stomach punch loss to the Eagles. The defeat might have broken them or it may have made them stronger. The answer to that question will determine the outcome of this game, and their season.

Seattle Seahawks @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (19-10)

Josh Freeman looks to rebound from a mediocre performance while Matt Hasselbeck strives to turn around his mediocre season. Although you might not realize it at first glance (why would you want to?) Seattle has a very real shot at winning the division while Tampa Bay still has a chance at a wildcard berth…albeit a slim one. Tampa Bay will win because: The Hawks’ are atrocious on the road (2-4), LaGarret Blount will pound Seattle’s poor run defense, and did I mention Seattle has to travel 5,000 miles across the country? They don’t do that very well…

Minnesota Vikings @ Philadelphia Eagles (31-13)

Once upon a time (last year) you could say with confidence that Minnesota’s front four would make any quarterback’s life miserable. They sure make a quarterback’s life miserable, only it’s their own, as the offense is forced to come back from huge deficits. Not something a certain middle-aged passer and a 24 year old no-name are capable of. Compounding the Viking’s woes is the fact they’re not at home, where the defense tends to play slightly better. One last problem the Vike’s face: a red hot Eagles team that has stolen the moniker “Greatest show on turf” from the 1999-2000 Rams. Fueled by “The Meadowlands Miracle Part II” and the scrambling, cannon armed Michael Vick no one, not even this guy: can see Minnesota pulling out a win.

New Orleans Saints @ Atlanta Falcons (30-24)

Ray Rice eviscerated New Orleans defense last week to the tune of 153 yards on 31 carries…Joe Flacco only had to throw 20 passes. What’s to think Atlanta can’t apply the same formula with the duo of Michael Turner and Jason Snelling (Turner ran for 114 yards in the first meeting)? Oh, and that guy Matt Ryan is pretty damn good at home… (19-1).

The Saints defense lives off of getting turnovers; their not-so-dirty-secret-anymore is that the D isn’t that great. I proclaimed before New Orleans lost to Baltimore that they might be the best team in the NFC…I think I was wrong. Not only is their defense pretty average but with Drew Brees’s 19 interceptions and Reggie Bush’s disappearance the offense isn’t good enough to balance it out. Atlanta is due for a stinker (like the patriots had last week) but I doubt it happens against their division rivals.

Last Week: 8-8

Overall: 126-82

Lock of the Week: Atlanta Falcons OVER New Orleans Saints

Upset of the Week: Washington Redskins OVER Jacksonville Jaguars

Pounding of the Week: New England Patriots OVER Buffalo Bills

Merry Christmas!

Hope its a great one for everyone! Picks incoming soon!

Week 15 Rankings of Power

1. New England Patriots (12-2)

Dan Connolly may just be the secret weapon this team needs to win the Super Bowl.

2. Atlanta Falcons (12-2)

I wrote after the Falcons week 12 victory over the Packers that I wouldn’t be convinced until I see how they perform in their three straight road games…suffice to say they earned an “A”.

3. Philadelphia Eagles (10-4)

Not even Andy Reid can get in the way of Michael Vick and DeSean Jackson. No lead is safe against the Eagles…

4. Baltimore Ravens (10-4)

This team goes nowhere unless Ray Rice can continue to carry the offense…

5. Chicago Bears (10-4)

If I found a time machine in September, traveled to December 22, 2010, looked at my power rankings, and saw I ranked the Chicago Bears as the fifth best team while the Vikings were 23, the Cowboys 17, and the Chiefs 9 my head would explode.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-4)

Big Ben is getting sexually harassed in the pocket…that’s how bad his offensive line is.

7. New Orleans Saints (10-4)

I wrote last week that the Saints might be the best team in the NFC. It’s obvious that my powers of prognostication need some help. Mayhap from this guy?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6EjS_h-6es&t=1m40s.

8. New York Jets (10-4)

It’s great for the J-E-T-S that they won in Pittsburgh, but it’s not a good sign they needed a naked bootleg, a kickoff return for a touchdown, and a safety to do it.

9. Kansas City Chiefs (9-5)

It’s time to finally recognize Jamaal Charles as the best back in the league. It’s time to consider Matt Cassel a legitimate MVP candidate.

10. Indianapolis Colts (8-6)

As Manning goes, so do the Colts. In their eight wins: Manning has thrown 14 TD’s to one interception. In their six losses: 14 TD’s to 14 interceptions.

11. Green Bay Packers (8-6)

If Charles Woodson didn’t forget how to catch or if the kickoff coverage team was able to tackle a 300 pound offensive lineman the Matt Flynn-led Pack may have beaten New England.

12. New York Giants (9-5)

Even though the Giants seem to have found the blueprint on stopping Vick (for 7 and a half quarters that is) they were swept for the season because of a stalling offense, bad special teams, and poor tackling.

13. San Diego Chargers (8-6)

The Chargers are in the wrong west…and Vincent Jackson, welcome back.

14. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-6)

Figures that the week I finally fall for this team they lose the biggest game of their season. And how did Maurice Jones-Drew manage a mere 46 yards on 15 carries against the league’s 28th best run defense?

15. Oakland Raiders (7-7)

The emergence of Darren McFadden has made this team relevant again…

16. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-6)

Who knew the Lions would play the role of assassin when they murdered Tampa Bay’s playoff chances Sunday?

17. Dallas Cowboys (5-9)

Jason Garret has reinvigorated the offense (scored at least 27 points in last six games) but the secondary still couldn’t cover Betty White…or Randy Moss (which is suddenly an insult).

18. St. Louis Rams (6-8)

Until Sam Bradford has some viable targets this offense will continue to hover just around mediocrity.

19. Miami Dolphins (7-7)

As kicker Dan Carpenter goes, so do the Dolphins…cue thousands of weeping Miami fans across the country.

20. Tennessee Titans (6-8)

This team can be really good when the passing game is working…but unfortunately that relies on a either a 37 year old quarterback, a quarterback about as emotionally stable as Brittney Spears, or a rookie QB named Rusty Smith.

21. Cleveland Browns (5-9)

Poor Eric Mangini can feel Mike Holgrem breathing down his neck…and it doesn’t smell very good.

22. Washington Redskins (5-9)

Rex Grossman having a career day Sunday is more an indictment of the Cowboy’s awful secondary than Grossman hitting the rejuvenation machine…

23. Minnesota Vikings (5-9)

The biggest mystery of the season: What the hell happened to Minnesota’s vaunted defensive line?

24. Detroit Lions (4-10)

Forgive me Drew Stanton…your better than I thought you were. But you’re lucky you have a guy like Calvin Johnson to catch everything that comes his way.

25. Buffalo Bills (4-10)

Dear Buffalo, I’m sorry you have to host a supremely pissed off Patriots team that can’t wait to take out their frustration over a sloppy Sunday Night performance on the next poor sap that stands in their way.

26. Seattle Seahawks (6-8)

Seattle has a good chance to win the division but they’ve lost their last two by a combined 84-39.

27. Houston Texans (5-9)

The Texans looked about as lifeless Sunday against the Titans as Randy Moss’s decaying corpse propped up on the bench.

28. San Francisco 49ers (5-9)

The 49er’s still have a chance to win the division…I just poured an entire bottle of aspirin down my throat.

29. Cincinnati Bengals (3-11)

Wouldn’t it be something if T.O was the reason for Carson Palmer’s dramatic fall from elite status? We’ll have an opportunity to see over the next two weeks now that Owens is out for the remainder of the season…

30. Denver Broncos (3-11)

These three things have happened to players while Josh McDaniel’s was either offensive coordinator or head coach: Tom Brady had the best season of a quarterback ever and the Patriots offense broke every record imaginable, Matt Cassel went from career backup to legitimate starter, and Kyle Orton went from mediocrity to a 4,000 yard passer. Coincidence? I don’t think so…

31. Carolina Panthers (2-12)

There’s been a Jimmy Clausen sighting!!!

32. Arizona Cardinals (4-10)

There’s been a Larry Fitzgerald sighting!!! Oh wait…that was just Larry charging into the locker room with an axe and a chainsaw…

Week 15 in pictures

Time to change things up a bit. Instead of my usual, lengthy recap of the week in football, I chose to caption some pictures. I decided to do this because I thought it would be a neat changeup, and i'm lazy. But mostly becasue i'm lazy. I'd appreciate a comment on the new segment...if it's popular I suppose i'll continue with it.

Wait, did we win?! We won! Get a load of that Charlie, they punted to him!

There’s a strange empty feeling inside of me…

Good luck finding a job next year bud, I know I’ll need it…

Get that man some oxygen!!!

Jesus, Gary, I thought my team was bad. You know…I’ve got this Randy Moss guy, any interest?

And here I was thinking this job was hard!

I should have known you were washed up the second I saw you throw your first pass

Hey Mark, see what happens when you don’t do anything stupid?

I love your haircut; it’s so soft and fuzzy…

Not a good Saturday…I’d like to say my betting days are officially behind me.

Week 15 Picks

I’m throwing up 11-5 weeks now like Brady throws up 300 yards passing…seriously three straight 11-5 weeks. With such a challenging slate of games upcoming I’m afraid I might break the streak, yet probably for the worse. Here’s to hoping Rex Grossman doesn’t confuse himself for Dan Marino, the Jet’s offense doesn’t resurrect itself from utter mediocrity, or the Pat’s lose their incredible mojo. Without further ado, your week 15 picks:


Cleveland Browns @ Cincinnati Bengals (23-17)

Several things I have learned recently: don’t go for a walk in 25 degree weather in merely a hoodie, don’t wear boat shoes in the snow, never trust a fart, don’t talk about the fight club, and bank on Carson Palmer throwing at least one pick six per game. That’s why I’m taking the Browns…no really, that’s it-the only reason.

Washington Redskins @ Dallas Cowboys (34-10)

Just as I was set to write this up I thought I would take one last look on ESPN to see if anything’s up with the Redskins. What do I find? Donovan McNabb has been benched for Rex Grossman…and not just benched, but relegated to the third spot (and thus, inactive) behind John Beck. Jesus, Mike Shanahan…everyone with two eyeballs can see that McNabb is washed up but benched for Grossman and Beck? What would you rather have, Donovan throwing balls at the feet of his receivers, or Rex throwing balls nowhere in the vicinity of his receivers? Oh, and was Shanahan that quick to forget what happened the last time he pulled McNabb for Grossman (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTk7NJhGr_s)?

Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans (31-13)

Houston’s defense came alive last week against Baltimore and set the offense up in a position to win it. I doubt the Texans D is capable of doing that two weeks in a row, but luckily they won’t have to facing a 37 year old quarterback, a deceased Randy Moss, and CJ2k who may have to be renamed CJ1.25K after the season.

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Indianapolis Colts (37-35)

I can’t believe I’m taking the Jacksonville Jaguars on the road, against the Indianapolis Colts…but I am. At some point I have to surrender all my doubts and start believing in this Jags team. And you know what, today’s the day! You have won me over David Garrard; you’re leading a team of destiny! Now go out there, kick em’ in the mouth, execute, and lead my fantasy football team to victory! (Yes, I was forced to pick up Garrard in one of my leagues because Rodgers is out, and Kyle Orton has reverted back to the Kyle Orton we all thought he was…there goes my championship aspirations)

Kansas City Chiefs @ St. Louis Rams (20-10)

Could there be a more inopportune time for one’s appendix to rupture? Why the hell do we have those things anyway? If I was a star quarterback in the league I would have mine removed immediately, just so I wouldn’t miss the two most important games of the season with our playoff hopes on the line. Sam Bradford, appendix and all, has taken the league by storm, and is on pace to throw for the second most yards ever by a rookie quarterback (currently held by Matt Ryan). If he has a couple big games down the road (not unlikely with the 49ers and Seahawks upcoming) he could pass (pass-get it?) Peyton Manning’s record of 3,739 yards. And one further question that needs to be asked: What would Brett Favre have done if his appendix ruptured? Chew on that for a few minutes…

Buffalo Bills @ Miami Dolphins (17-13)

Miami may have just dethroned the Panthers has the least exciting team to watch in the NFL. If a punter ever dominates a game and is the best player on the field you know things are bad. Here’s your dictionary word of the day: Chad Henne has been opprobrious as of late. He might not have reached a Carson Palmer or Derek Anderson-like level of suckage but he is close…very, very close. So that’s 70-odd words of Dolphin-bashing…why did I pick them? Simple: they may be ugly, but their defense was outstanding against the Jets and they should be able to run on the Bills. My last piece of advice, if you can at all help it, DO NOT watch this game; lest you risk looking like this guy:


Detroit Lions @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers (21-14)

Because I can’t pick a team being quarterbacked by Drew Stanton. Seriously, that’s all.

Arizona Cardinals @ Carolina Panthers (17-10)

This game:


(Word to the wise: never find yourself in a position where you need a picture of poop…you will get some horrifying Google image results.)

Simple reasoning: Jimmy Clausen knows what’s up if Carolina gets the number one pick. If that happens he may have just run out of “Luck”. Reason No. 482 I want Andrew Luck to be in the league a long time: a solid decade and a half of obnoxious, cliché luck jokes.

New Orleans Saints @ Baltimore Ravens (27-20)

New Orleans may just be the best team in the NFC. And that’s not good for a Ravens team that is alarmingly similar to the 2009 New England Patriots. Check it out: offense that disappears at the most critical points of games, a once dominant defense showing flashes but ultimately failing against great offenses, and a running game going nowhere. Only difference is the Raven’s offense is worse, but they have a better playmaking defense. Plus, New Orleans can smell blood…this game is standing in the way of a huge battle against the Falcons for NFC supremacy.

Philadelphia Eagles @ New York Giants (30-23)

Possible revenge game for New York—and they certainly have the D-line to harass Vick—but they’re just not fast enough on the back end. In their November 21st meeting New York did a good job of limiting DeSean Jackson to five catches for 50 yards and no touchdowns…yet they allowed number two wideout Jeremy Maclin to explode for 120 yards on nine catches. The Giants were also burned by HB LeSean McCoy for 111 yards on 14 catches. So it may be a case of pick your poison: stop Jackson and Maclin goes off and vice-versa.

Simply, this all comes down to how much pressure the G-men can generate on Vick, and how well they are able to contain him. They nearly did it in the first meeting; I like them to fail again.

And I can’t leave you without talking about this: http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2010/12/15/michael-vick-wants-dog-help-rehabilitation/. Vick’s sudden desire to own a dog has sparked some debate over it’s, err, appropriateness. According to Fox sports writer Jason Whitlock, someone even told him Vick owning a dog was akin to a child molester having a child. People need to realize that Vick’s dog-abusing days are behind him…if the man has suddenly taken a liking to dogs and believes it will be good for his image (which it will be in the long run) then he deserves one. He committed a despicable act, paid the punishment, has shown remorse, and wants to prove to everyone that he is capable of coexisting with man’s best friend. Congratulations are in order for how Michael Vick has reshaped his life over the past 18 months.

Atlanta Falcons @ Seattle Seahawks (38-10)

You know that saying when it rains it pours? Same applies to Seattle: when they lose, they lose. The point differential of all Seattle’s losses: 17,17,30,34,15,18,19. So we know this, either they play their best game of the season and win a close one or get thoroughly walloped by the Falcons. Unfortunately for the Seahawks, I don’t know if they have the talent to eke out a close one against surging Atlanta. Falcons are due to drop one at some point-and it’s a possible trap with the mighty clash against New Orleans upcoming-let’s hope they understand the importance of taking care of this contest. I think they do…

New York Jets @ Pittsburgh Steelers (13-7)


I’ve thought about this one a lot. Probably too much. In fact, as I write this sentence I still don’t know which team I’m going to pick…and I can guarantee that I’ll change my mind at least 38 times between now and the end of this paragraph.

What to make of the Jets? Their glorified offense of big-time pickups such as Braylon Edwards, Santonio Holmes, and LaDainian Tomlinson have led them to a resounding 9 points over the past two weeks. It’s been so awful that Rex Ryan considered benching Mark Sanchez for 73 year old Mark Brunel. Benching a 6th overall pick for a 73 year old Mark Brunel is not a good sign. So, do the Jets have the ability/heart/canolies/balls to bounce back? I thought sure they would against a fast-drowning Dolphins team but was horrified to witness the carnage that was the Jet’s offense. And now they get the Pittsburgh Steelers-the best defense in the NFL (according to the football outsiders). I think part of the offensive struggles last week came down to the weather; it should be rain free Sunday afternoon in Pittsburgh (but freezing) which could be an elixir for the struggling passing attack.

On the other side of the ball, Big Ben is being ravished thanks to a mediocre offensive line that has lost its two starting tackles. That’s hard to recover from. For all the criticisms Rex Ryan (deservedly faces) you can’t doubt his turkey neck and defensive acumen. He’ll find a way to harass Big Ben and stymie the Steeler’s offense all game.

Gotta’ go with the Steelers. Here’s why: Both defenses are great (excluding games against the Patriots) so they cancel each other out (even with the likelihood that Polamalu is out). It comes down to which offense you trust more to make the big plays down the stretch. In that respect I give the edge to the Steelers, and thus, the game.

Denver Broncos @ Oakland Raiders (28-9)

Can someone tell me how Studesville and company allowed John Skelton to put up a 40-burger? Before that game I thought an engagement between Ben Roethlisberger and Gloria Steinem was more likely than the Arizona Cardinals ever putting up 40+ points again. My theory: Derek Anderson sucked so bad, and was so despised throughout the locker room that once he was benched the whole team rallied around Skelton. That clogged toilet of a game was a testament to the horrid play of Denver’s defense. And has anyone watched Bronco’s safety Brian Dawkins play lately? You would think he’s 67…

Green Bay Packers @ New England Patriots (38-7)

MATT FLYNN IS STARTING. MATT FLYNN IS STARTING. MATT FLYNN IS STARTING. MATT FLYNN IS STARTING. MATT FLYNN IS STARTING. I watched a little bit of Flynn last Sunday against Detroit, and I watched a whole lot of the Pats against the Bears. My expert analysis: If Flynn could muster 3 points against Detroit, how many points can he possibly put on New England?

Oh, and it might snow....

Chicago Bears @ Minnesota Vikings (16-3)

Sad state of Brett Favre report: Favre getting the nod may actually negatively affect the line. Seriously, who do you want: a 40 year old quarterback who needs 10 ounces of cortisone launched into his decaying body to have a prayer of being able to move, or a guy named Joe Webb who is 24 and may actually have some promise? Never the less, the most interesting aspect of this game may be how the Bears perform. Will this be the second seemingly playoff bound team the New England Patriots have sent into a tail-spin—and the second coach who looked like he suffered a shower rape after facing the Pats?

I think everyone is tired of hearing about Brett Favre. I know it kills me every time I write about him. But the thing is, it’s so easy to use him as the butt of jokes. Thus, I have decided I will never write about him again. Brett Favre, we’re done! (One last tidbit I learned from reading Bill Simmons’s recent mailbag: Sterger spelled backwards is regrets. Yes, yes it is.) I even wrote up a contract to make it official:

On my honor as a writer, I swear to never, ever speaketh of Brett Favre again. Signed, Blitzswish.

There you go; this may just be the most intriguing subplot of my young blogging career. Will I honor the contract? Stay tuned.

Last Week: 11-5

Overall: 118-74

Lock of the Week: Pittsburgh Steelers OVER New York Jets

Upset of the Week: Jacksonville Jaguars OVER Indianapolis Colts

Pounding of the Week: New England Patriots OVER Green Bay Packers

Week 15 Thursday Night Pick

San Francisco 49ers @ San Diego Chargers (34-17)

Sorry for the short post…it’sssssss finals time!!! Have to go with the Chargers here. When in doubt: pick the better team. When dealing with another division playing the AFC West: pick the team from the other division.

Is Donald Sterling Insane?

Rhetorical question, I know. But if I told you an owner of a professional basketball team was heckling his highest paid player during games, what would you say? You would probably revoke my exclusive, and super hard to get blogging license, right? But unfortunately Clipper’s owner Donald Sterling is doing exactly that to star (almost spit out my proverbial coffee after writing star) point guard Baron Davis. I’m being a bit sarcastic with “star” but Davis is the highest paid player on the Clipper’s roster, and before he got fat, lazy, and lost all semblance of skill he was a great player in the league.


I’ve lived through some pretty monumental sports scandals before (Tiger Woods banging pornstars and waitresses on a nightly basis, Michael Vick torturing man’s best friends for the excitement of gambling, and the “Love Boat” to name a few) but nothing quite like this. According to ESPN, this is what Sterling said:

“Why are you in the game?”

“Why did you take that shot?”

“You’re out of shape!”

(Here's the full report by ESPN: http://sports.espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/news/story?id=5915935)

Holy Jesus. Hate to break it to you Mr. Sterling, but, you’re signing his checks. It would be like Jimmie Johnson driving a Smart Car in the Daytona 500 then complaining because he didn’t win his sixth in a row…or Albert Haynesworth bitching incessantly because he was benched due to his conditioning (oh wait, that actually happened).

Mr. Sterling’s response (according to ESPN) to reports of the heckling: “When they make shots, it's great, when they don't, we're all disappointed.” WOW! Now I get it! Doesn’t every owner heckle their highest paid player when they miss a shot?

And don’t think I’m defending Baron Davis; he’s deserving of every criticism that comes his way…by all accounts he is poorly conditioned and was out of shape at the start of camp—and considering his play as of late—still is. But it comes from the fans that pay good money for those seats (and blow-hard bloggers like myself)…not from one of the worst owners in basketball who signed Baron is the first place. Donald Sterling is such an embarrassment to the league…he was sued by Elgin Baylor for reportedly saying some inappropriate things about black people and recently settled an ugly housing discrimination lawsuit (http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news?slug=dw-sterling110409).

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2010-2011 Los Angeles Clippers!

The Morning After

1. Say goodbye to Carson Palmer?

What a fall from grace…where as he was once seen as at the forefront of the new-guard of elite quarterbacks, he has now plummeted to a Derek Andersonian level (without the outrageous postgame conferences). Just another pair of pick-6’s for Palmer…just another day at the office. I wish I could tell you why he inexplicably became one of the worst five or six starting quarterbacks in the game, but the answer escapes me. The most logical choice would be the injury he suffered in the 2006 playoffs when he tore both his ACL and MCL. It was thought to be a possible career ender at the time, but he recovered well enough…and after last year’s solid (if not spectacular) season (3,094 yards, 21 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, 83.6 QB rating) he seemed to be back among the elite-or at least at the cusp.

The issue, in my humble opinion, lies with the Bengal’s as a whole rather than solely on the shoulders of Carson Palmer. I’ve watched several Cincinnati games and what springs to my mind is the lack of communication and cohesiveness among the offense. Receivers running incorrect routes, offensive line miscommunications, players not giving full effort. The constant stream of mental errors is a testament to the poor job the coaching staff has done this season.

This all, of course, calls for some outrageous yet necessary speculation. I think it’s pretty clear coach Marvin Lewis is on his way out, but what of Palmer? Cincinnati has a chance (albeit slim) to nab the first pick of the 2011 draft, with the opportunity to draft top quarterback prospect Andrew Luck. They have the second worst record in the league at 2-11…trailing only the Carolina Panthers (1-12). Cincinnati has to play Cleveland, Baltimore, and San Diego next while Carolina gets Pittsburgh, Atlanta, and Arizona. The Panthers can absolutely beat Arizona, which assuming Cincinnati loses out would put them at a tie for the league’s worst record. Tie-breaker: strength of schedule (SOS). Carolina’s SOS: 121-85. Cincinnati’s SOS: 120-86. Forget about New Orleans and Atlanta’s battle for the NFC one seed-this race is much more exciting!


2. Michael Vick being treated unfairly?

Throughout the season Michael Vick has taken hit after hit…most of it his own fault. But he’s not been afforded the same protection guys like Tom Brady or Peyton Manning enjoy. Don’t try to argue it, rewatch last night’s contest between the Cowboys and Eagles. At one point in the game Vick was hit just as he was on his way out of bounds (watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbzFiPmhSRE). It looks like a fair whack to me, but the issue I have is with the double standard the NFL continues to exhibit with its stringent rules for quarterback protection. We have seen so many flagitious calls on defenders this year it is a miracle Dallas wasn’t flagged for that hit. Here’s the issue: the NFL hasn’t had a player like Vick in…well, maybe ever…but certainly not since the league ramped up it’s roughing the passer rules. Thus, they don’t know how to treat him. He tucks the ball and runs like a half-back, seemingly asking the defense to deliver bone-crushing hits. But he’s also a quarterback…albeit a radically different breed then the classic pocket passer. So does he deserve to be treated as one? Or does an exception need to be made for a type of player we have rarely seen before?

You don’t care what I think…but I don’t really care that you don’t care about what I think. So this is what I think: It’s a definite double standard, but if Vick continues to refuse to slide and make his name on the ground then defenses should have the opportunity to hit him…and hit him hard. It may be the only way to stop him…


3. Injuries have slaughtered Green Bay’s season…

Once favorites to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl; Green Bay is in a real fight to just earn a play-off spot. If Aaron Rodgers can’t suit up against New England (after suffering his second concussion of the season against Detroit) then look for the Pack to lose their second straight…which would put them at 8-6. If the Bears beat Minnesota next week they would be 10-4 and own the tie breaker because they already defeated Green Bay once. That would likely lead to a titanic showdown in week 17 when Chicago travels to Lambeaugh field.

Of course, this is all moot if Rodgers is forced to sit for a longer amount of time. With the leagues increased safety precautions regarding concussions it isn’t inconceivable. And we all saw what happed to the Rodger-less Packers…a loss to the woeful Lions.


4. The Redskins can’t even figure out how to kick an extra point…

One great thing about picking all the games is I feel emotionally attached to each one. I don’t give a shit about the Washington Redskins, but I do care whether I pick their game correctly. Unfortunately, I watched the majority of the Skins’-Bucs’ contest. I was most excited for it as I picked Washington to win in an upset…last time I ever do that. The Redskins find more ways to lose than the Texans or Lions…but hey, at least their ways get more interesting by the week. I don’t know what I’m more shocked about: New Orleans drawing Cincinnati’s defense offside on fourth down last week or Washington losing because they can’t kick an extra point. We may have witnessed the worst kicking performance in recent memory as Graham Gano missed two easy field goals (from 34 and 24 yards) and was part of the botched extra point (though not really his fault, but still). What will the Skins’ come up with next?


5. Dolphins-Jets one of the ugliest in recent memory…

Miami had 134 total yards, six first downs, and three turnovers…they won. Chad Henne was 5-18 for 55 yards and a touchdown plus was sacked five times and lost two fumbles…they won. The Dolphins punted ten times (It’s taken New England four games to reach 11)…and they won. The game was uglier than John Madden’s eyebrows. Despite a twenty million dollar receiver and big arm quarterback Miami can’t find a way to score points. Despite a first round quarterback and a conglomeration of big name free agents and under-achievers the Jets can’t find a way to do anything. New York’s defense bounced back in a bigggg way but Sanchez is going through his familiar December swoon-he’s the anti-Rivers. And swoon is putting it lightly; try cataclysmic catastrophe. Through two seasons Sanchez has shown his inability to play well in adverse weather conditions. In New England it was the freezing weather, in Miami the steady rain. Sanchez’s need for the perfect playing conditions is why the Jets have a tendency to fade come December. As Rex Ryan aptly put it: “…I think he gives us the best chance to win.” Yeah, if the weather’s nice.


6. Worried about the Eagles ability to win it all…

Allow me to present my case in two parts:

1. Michael Vick is getting the snot beaten out of him. He’s been sacked 35 times and hit another 68-all while missing three games (and most of the fourth). And he’s not just getting hit, he’s getting crushed. There are no stats that quantify the severity of hits, but it’s pretty blatant if you watch the games. I’m not an Eagles fan, but as a football fan I cringe every time he goes down. One of these weeks, I’m afraid he won’t get back up.

2. Philadelphia’s big play offense is inconsistent. Sure they put up 29 a game, buts it’s not a consistent 29. The best way I can explain it is to use an excellent analogy I heard last year from Michael Lombardi; speaking on Bill Simmons’s podcast: The B.S Report. He compared last year’s Eagles (also an offense that relied on big plays) to the NBA’s Phoenix Suns-a team that relies on three point shooting to win games. If those long bombs aren’t falling, they’re mediocre…but if they’re hitting at a high percentage they’re almost unbeatable. The problem is those aren’t particularly high percentage shots (Phoenix shot 41% last year, next highest: 38%).

Same with the Eagles. When Vick is completing 60-yarders to Jackson and Maclin they are unstoppable; but the offense tends to stall when the big plays aren’t working. That’s not to say big plays and YPA (yards per attempt) aren’t important-just that offenses need the short passing and ground game working to be successful. We witnessed the carnage last season when the Eagles put up only 14 points in a 20 point rout against the Dallas Cowboys. Will the same happen this year?


7. New York Jets exposed as frauds…

For all Rex Ryan’s intolerable swag, the New York Jets still don’t have it. We thought they did for eleven solid weeks but a bloodbath in New England and an offensively inept showing against Miami has exposed the J-E-T-S for what they are: insufferable shit-talkers who falter when the going gets tough and they lose their seemingly infinite reserves of mojo. Doesn’t this play: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1HpKpfXfZY exemplify the Jets in a nutshell? You would never see an Indianapolis player, a New England player, or an Atlanta player pull something like that after a first down in a game in which they are losing. Rex Ryan’s squad is loaded with talent, but they are an undisciplined bunch with no attention to detail.

Rex Ryan is so concerned with being buddies with his players he has forgotten what it means to be a coach. As the saying goes: a team is only as good as its leader. In this case, it couldn’t be clearer.


8. Denver made a HUGE mistake…

Josh McDaniel’s transformed Matt Cassel from perennial backup to starting caliber quarterback in New England. In Denver, he morphed Kyle Orton into a 4000 yard passer and made Brandon Lloyd look like the second coming of Randy Moss. Coincidence? No, I think McDaniel’s is a really, really brilliant offensive mind and quarterbacks coach. It’s no fluke two backup quarterbacks blossomed under his watch. I couldn’t put my thoughts on Josh McDaniel’s firing any better than this piece by the NFL’s Michael Lombardi: http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d81cba03b/article/mcdaniels-paid-price-for-broncos-lack-of-commitment-to-change.

9. Come on man!

Everyone’s all fired up by Tashard Choice’s bizarre autograph request of Michael Vick after Dallas’s lost Sunday night. Was it that big of a deal?-not really. But I’m from the old school idea that teams should hate each other like the Spartans despised the Persians. This quote from Kevin Durant sums up my thoughts quite succinctly (and saved you from reading another 500 words): “He did not just ask that man for his autograph after a loss...smh he tuuurible for that.”

Week 14 Picks

Cleveland Browns @ Buffalo Bills (31-27)

Am I crazy to think this is a perfectly winnable game for the Bills? The Browns are probably the best team in the league with a losing record…but they’ve lost more games than they’ve won for a reason. The Bills had that game against Minnesota until Sidney Rice started to take over and Adrian Peterson gashed them. Peyton Hillis is equally capable of having a huge day, but the Browns lack a down field threat the caliber of Sidney Rice. Only thing that could throw a monkey wrench in this one?-Buffalo tanking for Andrew Luck.

Cincinnati Bengals @ Pittsburgh Steelers (28-27)

I will never pick a team that falls for the old’ “Let’s try to draw them offside, what the hell do we have to lose?” trick. Pittsburgh has been inconsistent as of late but they’re defense remains dominant, and they’re offense is good enough to shred the Bengals. This begs the question, if someone had a gun to your head, forced you to spend an hour watching T.V, and gave you the option of the TOcho show or this game, what would you choose?

Green Bay Packers @ Detroit Lions (45-13)

I enjoyed your attempt at the “doogie” Drew Stanton; it takes a lot of guts to try that in front of the 267 people that watch Lions games. But it reflects a problem Detroit has had all season, close but not close enough. Green Bay knows what’s at stake…they took care of business against a mediocre team last week, no reason to think they can’t do it again.

New York Giants @ Minnesota Vikings (23-14)

If the Giants are indeed the playoff team everyone thought they were several weeks ago they should be able to soundly beat Minnesota. Whether Travaris Jackson gets the nod or Brett Favre it doesn’t matter, both are liable to throw a couple the other way. Eli Manning has been erratic over the past couple weeks, but the duo of Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw will run wild through a suddenly mediocre run defense.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Washington Redskins (16-10)

Now that the Albert Haynesworth issue has been put to bed (suspended for four games) I believe this team will have some life. He was more of a problem then everyone realized, and weighed down the locker room. Washington isn’t the most talented, but they can certainly beat a team without its starting center and all-pro level cornerback… (On second thought, maybe that’s asking a bit too much out of the Skins’).

Atlanta Falcons @ Carolina Panthers (23-9)

Atlanta must be salivating knowing they have another game against the Panthers week 17. Carolina must be salivating knowing they’re first in the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. Somehow, I think both teams will come out winners of this one.

Oakland Raiders @ Jacksonville Jaguars (19-13)

I’m a stubborn guy, so stubborn in fact I refuse to acknowledge that the Jaguars are good. I refused to acknowledge the Raiders were contenders, felt like such a winner when they were destroyed by Pittsburgh, then a little confused when they strutted into San Diego and promptly completed a season sweep after not beating the Bolts in seven years. So this is where we are now: two teams all of us betting kinds of people would like to go away facing off in a surprisingly important game. I’ll have to with the legs of Maurice Jones-Drew (five straight 100 yard games) even though QB David Garrard is still entirely capable of losing a game here or there.

Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers (16-10)

Both teams are so unpredictable it’s pointless to really try to analyze this one. Here are two things I have to go with: Seattle crushed San Fran in week one, 31-6 (albeit at home), and Alex Smith is getting the nod over Troy Smith for the 49ers. What does that mean? I have no idea! Regardless I’ll go with the Seahawks because I think they’re the better squad and I would take Matt Hasselbeack over either of the Smiths’ any day.

St. Louis Rams @ New Orleans Saints (27-21)

The Saints practically begged the Bengals to win last week, but predictably, they failed to deliver. As much as New Orleans seems to want to give a game away, I can’t see them losing at home to a team that struggles on the road. I <3 Sam Bradford as much as the next guy, but all the Saints do is win in the Super Dome. With my powers of prognostication I foresee another one…

Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets (27-10)

Huge game for the Jets, it sets the tone for the remainder of their season. Dominate the Dolphins and they’re right back in it, fall short and all hell breaks loose. As much as I hate New York (both of them) Rex Ryan is a decent coach, and he captains a tough team…I like them to bounce back in a big way. Oh, and best part of last week’s Monday Night massacre? Rex Ryan looking like he just suffered a shower rape in the post-game press conference.

Denver Broncos @ Arizona Cardinals (41-6)

The interim-coach-theorem has yet to fail this season, why stop riding it now? The only way Denver loses is if John Skelton is legit, Larry Fitzgerald snaps and murders everyone on the field, or if Studesville fails to live up to his glorious name.

Kansas City Chiefs @ San Diego Chargers (26-6)

What did San Diego’s recent beating at the hands of the Raiders actually mean? Was it a fluke or did it highlight some real problems (mainly the resurfacing of special teams woes)? I lean towards the former as it was a bit of the perfect storm for Oakland…an early fumble by Sproles which allowed the Raiders able to jump out to a fast lead when they’re defense happens to play a lot stronger. Alright, we've got this far and we haven't even talked about Matt Cassel's appendix. What a bad break, Brodie Croyle is 0-9 as a starter, sooooo yeah. Just take the Chargers, Chiefs have a case of Rusty Smith 2.0!

New England Patriots @ Chicago Bears (30-23)

Huge trap game alert: Patriots coming off biggest victory of the season, with a short week of practice, going on the road against a suddenly hot Chicago team. But you know what? New England is locked in right now. Brady is literally terrifying his rookie tight ends with his fiery demeanor, and Belickick is back to running up the score-just like the good old days. Pats are playing like 2007…without the weight of the undefeated season. Chicago has a strong defense, but so do the Steelers, and the Jets, and the Ravens…

Philadelphia Eagles @ Dallas Cowboys (38-24)

The treatment the Cowboys have gotten over the past month is precisely why I hate the media. With the coverage they have received you would think they were Super Bowl contenders…hate to do this buttttt, they’re 4-8! Philadelphia will give ESPN a rude awakening when they obliterate Dallas, and remind everyone the birds are a legit Super Bowl team.

Baltimore Ravens @ Houston Texans (34-24)

No need to worry Baltimore, the Texans don’t have a defensive player half as good as Troy Polamalu. Houston should be a great matchup for the Ravens; a perfect opportunity to get their offensive back in gear and shred an awful defensive unit. I foresee a big day for the struggling Ray Rice…

Last Week: 11-5

Overall: 107-69

Lock of the week: Jacksonville Jaguars OVER Oakland Raiders

Upset of the week: Washington Redskins OVER Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Pounding of the week: Green Bay Packers OVER Detroit Lions