Week 14 Picks

Kansas City Chiefs @ New York Jets -10

As poor as the Jets have looked, you don’t honestly believe in Tyler Palko, do you?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Jacksonville Jaguars +9

Josh Freeman is hurting, the Bucs aren’t believing, and Raheem Morris decided it would be a swell idea to instill some discipline in his team for the first time last week. This feels like a rock-bottom loss for the Bucs against Blaine Gabbert, quite possibly the worst starting quarterback in the NFL.

New England Patriots -6.5 @ Washington Redskins

What are the chances Sexy Rexy tosses three touchdowns and throws for 400 yards against the Pat’s putrid defense? In other news, Rob Gronkowski is good. A fascinating race between “Gronk” and Jimmy Graham for the one and only Tight End slot on the All-pro team.

Atlanta Falcons -5 @ Carolina Panthers

It’s a shame Carolina’s defense is so, so, so awful, otherwise they might be my upset pick every Sunday.

Indianapolis Colts @ Baltimore Ravens -16

Ed Reed can barely contain himself.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Miami Dolphins -3

If you don’t favor the Dolphins here you haven’t watched football in six weeks. Matt Moore is startlingly competent.

Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions -10

I smell a late season Lion’s run! Also, is Ndamukong Suh quickly becoming the most polarizing figure in the league not named Tim Tebow? It’s not just the on field stuff; that car crash in Portland seemed really fishy to me. You can read the details here, but he calls 911, and insists no one is hurt, when, apparently, people were? As pleasant as he seems to be off the football field, are we sure Suh isn’t slightly crazy?

New Orleans Saints -3.5 @ Tennessee Titans

The Saints are still a little bit hard to read. They’ve been inconsistent on the road, and the defense is mediocre. This one settles it—if New Orleans loses we know once and for all that the Saints are the most inconsistent ‘good’ team in the league. I’m interested in the answer.

Houston Texans @ Cincinnati Bengals -2.5

Last Sunday was more of ‘The Steelers are really freaking good’ than ‘The Bengals really suck’. I think they can handle T.J Yates and the perennially hobbled Andre Johnson.

Chicago Bears @ Denver Broncos -5

He hasn’t failed me yet…

San Francisco 49ers -7 @ Arizona Cardinals

Kevin Kolb, however, has…many times.

Buffalo Bills @ San Diego Chargers -1.5

Yes, I really am getting suckered into yet another late season Charger’s run. Philip Rivers finally looked himself against a surprisingly strong Jaguar’s defense.

Oakland Raiders @ Green Bay Packers -10

Carson Palmer might be able to accumulate the passing yards, but he has been known to toss interceptions from time to time. If there’s one thing this much-maligned Packer’s defense is good at, it’s capitalizing on the opponent’s mistakes.

New York Giants @ Dallas Cowboys -1

Both these teams have split personalities…you never know which one will show up. I’m picking the Cowboys because…well, because I said the Cowboys were the most likely team to make a late season push to the playoffs. But Jason? Next time, try not to ice your own kicker…okay?

St. Louis Rams @ Seattle Seahawks -2.5

I continue to be fascinated by Tarvaris Jackson’s competency and mediocrity. He’s bad and good at the same time…

Lock of the Week: Green Bay Packers OVER Oakland Raiders

Upset of the Week: Jacksonville Jaguars OVER Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Pounding of the Week: Baltimore Ravens OVER Indianapolis Colts

Last Week: 8-8

Overall: 98-89-8

Week 13 Picks

Carolina Panthers -5 @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

A mediocre offense versus a God-awful defense. Who breaks first? My money is on the defense that recently allowed the Colts—THE COLTS—to have a fairly productive offensive day.

That's what I wrote BEFORE it was revealed that Quarterback Josh Freeman is inactive. Now, all bets are off. Run wild young Newton, run wild!

Cincinnati Bengals +7 @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Upset of the week time. Pittsburgh’s offense, for whatever reason, hasn’t been playing up to their potential as of late, and in week 10, the Bengals played them tough. Cincinnati is catching Pittsburgh at a great time…

Atlanta Falcons -3.5 @ Houston Texans

I don’t trust T.J Yates. I certainly don’t trust Jake Delhomme.

New York Jets -6.5 @ Washington Redskins

What happened the last time Rex Grossman strung together a handful of quality starts? He threw four interceptions and completed 40 percent of his passes against the Eagles. I think it’s that time of the season again.

Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots -20

It seems like every season Tom Brady just has one of those days where he explodes for six touchdown passes and everyone waxes poetically about the Patriot’s machine. Last season it was a surgeon-like performance against the Jets, and the season before it was a 59-0 thumping of the Titans. Get ready for something like that against the league’s worst pass defense.

Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins -4

I believe in the Dolphins! Also, why hasn’t anyone brought up the fact that Matt Moore has been the second best quarterback in the AFC East this season? 1,600 passing yards, eight touchdowns, five interceptions. He’s thrown seven touchdowns in the past four games. Tony Sparano is forever endowed to Matt Moore for saving his career.

Denver Broncos -2 @ Minnesota Vikings

I BELIEVE IN TIM TEBOW AND WILL NOT STOP BELIEVING NO MATTER HOW HIDEOUS HIS PASSES LOOK, HOW LOOSE HIS SPIRALS ARE, OR HOW OFTEN HE PRAYS ON THE SIDELINES. TEBOW!!!!!! TEBOW!!!!!!! TEBOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

Tennessee Titans @ Buffalo Bills -1

The Bills aren’t bad enough to lose five straight, right?

Kansas City Chiefs @ Chicago Bears -5

In a battle of mediocre quarterbacks, Tyler Palko is by far the worst.

Baltimore Ravens -8 @ Cleveland Browns

I suppose it is time for a patented Baltimore road fail after two straight key victories against the Bengals and 49ers. Ah, screw it, I can’t bring myself to pick the Browns. Have you seen Colt McCoy play?

Dallas Cowboys -4 @ Arizona Cardinals

I don’t care much for all this BS about how the Cardinals give the Cowboys trouble. Dallas is rolling and Kevin Kolb is starting. As an aside, have we ever been less excited about a starting quarterback making almost $60 million dollars returning to the lineup? I don’t think so.

Green Bay Packers -8 @ New York Giants

I believed in the Giants last week, I really did. I might pull out my hair if the defensive line actually shows up for this one and Brandon Jacobs looks competent. Most unlikely, however.

St. Louis Rams @ San Francisco 49ers -11

The Rams average just over 10 points per game on the road. It’s looking more and more unlikely that Sam Bradford will play. The 49ers have arguable the league’s best defense. Must I continue? MUST I?

Detroit Lions @ New Orleans Saints -7

Apparently, the Saints have a thing for night games. They’ve scored 34, 62, and 49 points on Sunday or Monday Night games this season, so look out.

San Diego Chargers -2.5 @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Yes, in case you were wondering, this really is the Monday Night game. Someone really hates ESPN.

Upset of the Week: Cincinnati Bengals OVER Pittsburgh Steelers

Lock of the Week: Green Bay Packers OVER New York Giants

Pounding of the Week: New England Patriots OVER Indianapolis Colts

Last Week: 10-6

Overall: 90-81-8