Playoff Player Rankings-Week II

Every Wednesday I’ll compile a list of the top eight playoff performers from eighth to first. When the Finals are decided I’ll pick my MVP for the postseason; an award I absolutely think should exist in addition to Finals MVP.

8. Serge Ibaka: Dude’s 21 and he’s averaging a double-double and almost four blocks a game. Did I mention he’s 21 and a starter on a title contender? It’s been a serious joy to watch Ibaka go from a freak athlete with little feel for the game to a damn player. The Perkins trade allowed him to move to the four, and with Perkins locking down the paint Ibaka is free to patrol the weakside and block the crap out of anything that moves. And he has a legit 15-18 foot jumper. I’m scared. I’m TERRIFIED.

7. Derrick Rose: Rose recovered from two poor games in which he shot a combined 10-40 from the field to score 25 points on 18 shots and close out Chicago’s round one series. Despite his poor shooting efforts Rose has contributed other ways, getting to the line 12 times a game, averaging 2.6 steals, and handing out dimes. Rose’s ankle sprain might have contributed to his less than stellar shooting performances, but he’s still carrying the lion’s share of Chicago’s offense. And he has to play with Joakim Noah…how does he live with himself?

6. LeBron James: A sort of under the radar LeBron first round—much like his regular season performance. But he's turned in a classic LeBron series--giving Miami just what they need when they need it. So far it's rebounds, and LeBron is contributing almost 11 a game.

5. Dirk Nowitzki: You can largely blame Dirk for the Mavericks fourth quarter collapse in game four, but he responded in game five with 25 points, eight boards, and eleven trips to the line. Many presumed Portland’s length and athleticism in the front court would slow down Dirk—I guess we all forget how great the big German actually is.

4. Dwight Howard: Howards body language throughout the first round has been like the kid in pick-up hoops who is actually pretty decent but got stuck on the team with all the doofaces—and has to play against the A squad. I actually think Howard might rip out one of his finger nails every time Hedo Turkolglu bricks a three. He even has a goatee like men tend to get after a bad break-up. I keep thinking he’s gonna’ pull a Jack from Lost and plead with GM Otis Smith, “we have to go back, we have to go back!”

3. Rajon Rondo: I’m not ready to definitively say Rondo is out of his late-season funk—because, really, an armadillo could take Toney Douglas off the dribble—but he sure seems to have his mojo back. It’s good to see Rondo driving to the rim with impunity, rising up for mid-range jumpers with confidence (which according to Hoopdata he’s been stroking at a 41 percent rate), and barking at teammates like any floor general should. It’s pretty evident when Rondo is in a slump—not just because of his poor numbers—but that horrible, dreary, impassive look he gets. Imagine Steven Hawking in your Physics 101 class—that’s Rondo in late-season form.

2. Kevin Durant: Thirty points on 19 shots a game. 52 percent from deep. 82 percent at the line on 11 attempts a game. If Russell Westbrook wasn’t working so hard on his best Jordan impersonation Durant might be putting up even better numbers. Fact is, playing 42 minutes a game he’s carrying Oklahoma City’s offense and playing the most efficient ball of his career. His true test will be when (if) he meets Ron Artest deeper into the postseason. You know, your 2011 NBA citizenship award winner.

1. Chris Paul: The league has never had a better collection of fantastic point guards. Russell Westbrook, Derrick Rose, Rajon Rondo, Deron Williams, Steve Nash, Tony Parker, Chris Paul…and the list goes on. They’re all great, and each in his own way. We can argue the merits of each one but you would be hard pressed to find someone who isn’t enthralled with Chris Paul right now. What’s he’s accomplished carrying the Hornet’s offense and making the Lakers series competitive is simply remarkable. Let’s not understate how starved New Orleans is for offensive options besides Paul and Carl Landry. As John Hollinger noted, Chris Paul might have the best shot selection in the league while teammate Trevor Ariza has the worst. Chris Paul IS the New Orleans Hornets…the floor general, emotional leader, and sole crunch time scorer. The degree of difficulty carrying an offense is through the roof—doubly so when the opponent has two seven-footers in the starting rotation and Kobe Bryant, who isn’t too bad himself. Paul has had to play pretty much perfectly to give New Orleans a chance—and he has.

Mocking the mockers who mock

Why does anybody watch the NFL draft? Why do we tune in for three+ hours to watch the commissioner read names off of a piece of paper? Why do we find excited players and sobbing parent’s good entertainment? How do we force ourselves to watch Chris Berman for extended periods of time—when it is a proven health risk? I wish I had an explanation, I really do.

And the biggest question of all? What is it with our rabid mock draft obsession? They’re all over the place this time of year; you don’t have to go far to read who the next proclaimed “expert” believes the Carolina Panthers should take with their number one pick or read someone’s opinion on Cam Newton, even though, in all probability, they’ve never met the man.

So of course, I'll give it a shot. Without further ado, my 2011 mock draft:

1. Carolina Panthers: Cam Newton, QB

I have no idea if Cam Newton is a giant lying douche. I do know that he had one really good year in college, and that’s it. On second thought, I don’t really know anything except he looks a hell of a lot better than the alternative. Sorry Jimmy Clausen.

2. Denver Broncos: Marcell Dareus, DT

Does it even matter what this pick is? The Broncos have John freaking Elway as Executive V.P of football operations. That’s code for “I wrecked people on the gridiron and I have full license to do what I want”. John Elway doesn’t make mistakes.

3. Buffalo Bills: Von Miller, OLB

Aaron Maybin has been a complete and utter failure. So much so that he couldn’t make the rotation last season on one of the worst defensive lines in football. Can we call this a make-up pick?

4. Cincinnati Bengals: A.J Green, WR

Everyone thinks the Bengals will go for a quarterback here because of Carson Palmer’s well documented white-hot rage towards the organization. Don’t those people remember the Bengals are the second most delusional franchise in football (just behind the Raiders)? Therefore they grab the best wideout in the draft for the great quarterback they don’t possess.

5. Arizona Cardinals: Blaine Gabbert, QB

Is there a better team for Gabbert? He can sit for a year; learn the offense (which apparently he’ll be able to learn in like 2.5 seconds because he’s a genius), and watch Derek Anderson masterfully direct Arizona’s prolific passing attack. By year two Gabbert can take over for Anderson as he ends his illustrious pro career and awaits his enshrinement in Canton.

6. Cleveland Browns: Robert Quinn, DE

Hasn’t played in a year? Check. Potential serious medical issues resulting from a brain tumor? Check. Only one great year of college production? Check. Now that sounds like a Cleveland Brown’s pick!

7. San Francisco 49er’s: Patrick Peterson, CB

There’s a 67 percent chance Jim Harbaugh tanks all his picks to put him in an even better position to take Andrew Luck—aka Jesus—first overall in next year’s draft. But just so you won’t laugh at my pitiful mocking skills, we’ll give the 49er’s the player Mel Kiper considers the best player in the draft. And Mel Kiper is NEVER wrong.

8. Tennessee Titans: Nick Fairley, DT

Bud Adams likes guys with a little pizazz. He likes taking risks. The experts say Fairley has a questionable motor and work ethic. I have no idea what a questionable motor is, but it sounds like something Bud Adams would like. Just like he enjoys using his middle fingers.

9. Dallas Cowboys: Prince Amukamara, CB

Considering Dallas started Flozell Adams for a time last year (and he actually committed a game-losing penalty) Jerry Jones should probably pick a tackle. You know, so Tony Romo doesn’t break a bone again. But he won’t, he’s Jerry Jones—where flash matters! Plus, drafting a corner means Mike Jenkins no longer has a reason to commit pass interference penalties just for the hell of it.

10. Washington Redskins: Jake Locker, QB

Any time you get the chance to grab a quarterback who finished college with a 53.9 completion percentage and a 6.65 yards-per-attempt average you have to do it. But as they say, he’s got all the physical tools you would ever need. Good god, is that JaMarcus Russell’s music?!
I hope that wasn’t too inflammatory, you never know who Dan Snyder will sue next.

11. Houston Texans: Jimmy Smith, CB

Houston’s pass defense last year was worse than my idea to write a mock draft. According to the Football Outsiders , Houston had the worst pass defense in the league by far. So why wouldn’t they reach for a defensive back?

12. Minnesota Vikings: Da’Quan Bowers, DE

Did Bowers just steal the “hardest name in the league to spell” title from Ndamukong Suh? With Locker off my hypothetical board (who the Vikings are apparently enamored with) they grab a player who could have been a number one pick if he didn't share knee ligaments with Brandon Roy.

13. Detroit Lions: Tyron Smith, OT

Detroit needs something, SOMEONE to protect the teddy-bear soft Matt Stafford. Tyron Smith is supposedly the most talented tackle in the draft. Detroit should grab him but I have the sinking feeling that Matt Millen will somehow sabotage yet another Detroit draft. He’s like the chick from The Ring; no matter what you do or how far you distance yourself, he just keeps coming back for more.

14. St. Louis Rams: Julio Jones, WR

Sam Bradford’s targets last season were a couple Wes Welker wannabe’s and a tight end. This makes too much sense not to happen. So of course it won’t.

15. Miami Dolphins: Ryan Mallett, QB

Chad Henne was so bad last year that a stoner is actually considered a better alternative. In one way I love this pick because Mallett will absolutely show up to a game undeniably, unequivocally, high as the sky. Mallett could realistically be the first NFL player ever caught lighting up a bong on the sideline. Can’t you just see the camera focusing on Mallett as he takes a hit and Jim Nantz frantically pleading with the camera men to pan out? It’s definitely in play.

16. Jacksonville Jaguars: Aldon Smith, OLB

If the Jaguars could invent a time machine they would surely use it to travel back a year and pick Tim Tebow. Aldon Smith is terrible consolation prize, but it’s something, right?

17. New England Patriots: Ryan Kerrigan, DE

18. San Diego Chargers: J.J Watt, DE

19. New York Giants: Corey Liuget, DT

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Brandon Harris, CB

21. Kansas City Chiefs: Anthony Castonzo, OT

22. Indianapolis Colts: Gabe Carimi, OT

23. Philadelphia Eagles: Mike Pouncey, G, C

24. New Orleans Saints: Adrian Clayborn, DE

25. Seattle Seahawks: Andy Dalton, QB

26. Baltimore Ravens: Cameron Jordan, DE

27. Atlanta Falcons: Danny Watkins, G

28. New England Patriots: Nate Solder, OT

29. Chicago Bears: Derek Sherrod, OT

30. New York Jets: Akeem Ayers, OLB

31. Pittsburgh Steelers: Aaron Williams, CB

32. Green Bay Packers: Brooks Reed, DE

I’m beginning to think this is an exercise in futility…

NFL Labor Update III—In which I rant

Allow me to spin a yarn (I’ve always wanted to say that). It’s kind of boring but trust me; it will all make sense in the end.

Let’s go back to when I was in eleventh grade—obnoxious voice, acne, unabated self-confidence and all. Here’s the first thing you need to know about my academic habits: I like to procrastinate; a crap load. Procrastination and I go together like spaghetti and meatballs; if I had the $10 million winning lottery ticket I’d probably procrastinate turning that sucker in. Here’s the second thing: I have the miraculous ability to convince myself that everything will be alright, that at some point I’ll fly through that big assignment like it was naught but a coffee run; that once inspiration hits nothing can stand in my way. Of course—that rarely (err, never) works.

In my eleventh grade English class we were assigned a large project that we were supposed to work on continuously through the school year. Students were to select a novel written in the early-mid 1900’s (preferably not written in America), and construct a fifteen page essay explaining the archetypes—or something like that. Well, I chose the Lord of the Rings, mostly because I had already read it like five times. Instead of spacing the project out and spending the requisite amount of time sacrificing my oh so precious weekends on the piece, I wrote it in one night—the night before it was due. Predictably, my final mark on the paper was less than stellar—a 78 from what I remember.

Even though the paper constituted a large part of my final grade, and would clearly require time and effort, my sense of urgency was about as non-existent as, well, the NFL’s resolve to get a new labor deal in place before the season begins.

ZING!!! The greatest, and most vexing difficulty facing both sides isn’t their differences of opinion, but that neither side feels an over bearing sense of urgency to get this deal done. A report surfaced several days ago that every team plays an opponent in week three that has the same bye-week later in the season. Because there’s a week off between the conference championship games and Super Bowl (according to ProFootballTalk the NFL has booked hotels in Indianapolis for two weeks) the NFL can essentially have a full season even if the first three weeks are missed due to the lockout.

Sure, I’m really glad you’re “prepared” for everything guys, but actually getting a deal done would be super. There isn’t a hard and firm deadline. Remember when March twelfth came and passed, the day we were led to believe was doomsday and the beginning of the lockout? Well, it wasn’t. That was the perceived day the NFL aimed to get a deal in place—so none of this mess would happen in the first place—yet it came and went without even a scrap of progress. And then Judge Nelson, presiding over the NFL’s injunction against the players, decided to wait a couple of weeks and take the case “under advisement”. She “advised” the NFL to continue mediation with the players in the meantime, but of course, both sides politely agreed it would be a good idea and then did absolutely nothing for two weeks, because, you know, it’s not like the NFL’s livelihood is at stake or anything.

According to an Associated Press report NBA commissioner David Stern believes football’s labor situation was worsened by a lack of urgency to get a deal done well before its collective bargaining agreement expired.

Stern said, “It seemed that at the end of the bargaining between the NFL and the players, one got the sense that in the last day or two they had closed the gap. I don't know if that's accurate or not, but that's what I read. And you wonder as an outsider whether it would have been a good thing to close that gap a few days earlier, a couple of weeks earlier so that you had the opportunity and the plan to do that.”

As Marv Albert would say, YESSS!!!!!! Neither side is willing to give ground; each is content to wait until the last minute, believing that is when they can obtain maximum leverage. Unfortunately, if a deal isn’t reached until we start losing games, one side is going to be completely SCREWED. And it won’t be the owners. The more time they waste, the more games we lose, the more ground the NFL gives as the top sport in America. I can’t believe I’m talking about the NFL’s lack of urgency when a multi-billion dollar enterprise is at stake, but this is what it has come to.

When Judge Nelson gives her (expected) ruling Monday, let’s hope it is a step forward in the process. Let’s hope they realize this deal needs to get done NOW, not two or three weeks into the season.

Let’s hope they don’t pull an all-nighter; high on Pepsi, drunk on aplomb, without a care in the world.

Trust me, it doesn’t work.

Playoff Player Power Rankings

Say that five times fast...

Every Wednesday I’ll compile a list of the top eight playoff performers from eighth to first. When the Finals are decided I’ll pick my MVP for the postseason; an award I absolutely think should exist in addition to Finals MVP.



8. Rajon Rondo: I’m not ready to declare Rondo out of his slump, but DAMN, he killed the Knicks last night. You don’t expect to open a box score and see 30 points next to Rajon’s name. 90 percent of his shots last night were layups in transition, so it remains to be seen how he’ll play against a legit defense. We can only hope he plays like it’s 2008…

7. Jason Kidd: It’s hard to believe that Kidd, after a lackluster regular season, can keep up his torrid pace. He’s made 9-16 threes coming off of his worst three-point shooting season in eight years. After playing like a mummified version of T.J Ford for much of the season, Kidd is back to making a difference and swinging games. Can it last?

6. Kevin Durant: Kevin Durant happens to be exceptionally skilled at placing the ball in the hoop. He showcased that incredible skill against the Nuggets, a large part of the reason Oklahoma City was able to win game one. At one point in the third quarter Durant scored 12 straight points; three three-pointers and an and-1 layup. It was a tie game when his scoring binge started, but they came out of it with a four point lead.

5. Carmelo Anthony: What Carmelo Anthony did to the Celtics last night was a capital offense. No Amare, no Chauncey, just Melo’ and a bunch of guys I may have played with at my local Y over the summer. Midway through the fourth quarter I was pleading with my television that Doc Rivers would triple team Carmelo—what are the likes of Jared Jeffries, Roger Mason Jr., and Bill Walker going to accomplish? That trifecta wouldn’t even sniff the floor on almost any other playoff team. Again, Carmelo’s performance against the best defense in basketball, historically great at shutting down your best option, was unbelievable.

According to Basketball-reference, Carmelo is one of only four players since the 1991 playoffs (as far back as their database goes) to score 40+ points, grab over 15 rebounds, and dish out 6+ assists. Pretty remarkable.

But part of me felt like he enjoyed it. No Amare, no Chauncey, just Carmelo and his shot at immortality. Finally, New York was all his, the chance to put the Knicks on his back and will them to victory. Didn’t he choose New York because he wanted to be basketball royalty; he wanted to be king of the most esteemed basketball court in the world? Carmelo enjoys the spotlight, and he adores being the guy. Carmelo’s current state reminds me of Michael Jordan before he learned to trust his teammates and realized that it didn’t matter how he won, just that he won.

Carmelo Anthony wants to win, but he wants to win on his terms.

4. Dwight Howard: Dwight followed up a monstrous 46-19 with an almost as monstrous 33-19. His performance is all the more astounding when you realize Orlando’s other four starters went a combined 13-49. That’s 27 percent! And in game one? 14-39! It’s a good thing General Manager Otis Smith made that blockbuster trade for Gilbert Arenas, who’s scored eight points in both games combined.

3. Derrick Rose: Two come-from-behind victories, two all-world Derrick Rose performances. Two games, 34 trips to the foul line. Every single good thing that happens on offense for the Bulls is a direct result of Derrick Rose, whether it’s relentless drives to the hoop, drawing double teams, driving and then dishing to a teammate open behind the three-point line, or firing bullet passes to Chicago’s bigs, Rose makes it happen. Besides CP3’s performance, no one has shouldered as big of a burden—and delivered.

2. Dirk Nowitzki: Gets second place because he completely dominated the fourth quarters in games one and two, with 18 and 14 points respectively. Every time Portland made a run at the Dallas lead Dirk would answer in only the way Dirk can: long loping strides to the bucket that look like he’s running in suspended animation, awkward step-back jumpers that somehow find the bottom of the net, and best of all, those long, flowing, sweat-drenched golden locks. Does that guy look like a basketball player or what? Without Dirk’s explosive fourth quarters Dallas could very well be the ones in a 2-0 hole, not the Blazers.

1. Chris Paul: Gets the first place nod because he orchestrated the biggest upset of our first few days of games and played the point guard position about as well as anyone ever has. Remember when the late Heath Ledger absolutely knocked his role as the Joker out of the park in The Dark Knight and acted about as well as anyone can act? That’s exactly what Chris Paul’s performance reminded me of. When you can make Aaron Gray look like a legitimate player and effortlessly drain jumpers over 7’0” Pau Gasol you’re on a whole different level…

Day 2 Recap--Chris Paul is perfect

I thought it had a chance to be one of the best NBA playoffs ever—it’s definitely living up to, and exceeding expectations. The average margin of victory of all game ones was 6.1; not even I expected that. New Orleans blasted the defending champs, an eight seed stunned a one seed, and nearly every game this weekend came down to the wire. We had Ray Allen game winners, Kevin Durant shooting fire balls, point guard clinics, and the most unexpected heroes imaginable. And Zombies! Yes, I’m talking about you Jermaine O’Neal…

Chris Paul delivered in only the way Chris Paul can…

I wrote the following about Derrick Rose yesterday: “Rose approaches every spinning off-balance layup, every lefty-banker, every step-back jumper like he’s solving a Rubik’s Cube. Scoring is a math problem, and Derrick Rose happens to be Albert Einstein.” Chris Paul sees the court like a chess board. Every piece needs to be at its proper spot and every piece needs to interact in just the right way. One false move and it’s over. The Hornets second best player on the court Sunday was Aaron Gray, yet New Orleans still outclassed the Lakers because Chris Paul ran the Hornets squad of cast-offs and over-achievers like only Chris Paul can. He doesn’t make many mistakes, his dribble is always under control, and no movement is wasted. His performance was literally perfect. And when the Lakers looked like they just might storm back and rip it away from New Orleans? Chris Paul shed the mask of a point guard, and donned the costume of a savior—scoring 17 points in the fourth quarter.

Chris Paul, it’s good to have you back.

Looking back, it’s incredible that Memphis actually won…

Not just because they were underdogs (I was actually high on the Grizzlies), but they won without even playing their game. Memphis likes to create a ton of turnovers and pound the offensive glass…neither of which the Grizzlies managed against the Spurs. The Grizz managed only five offensive boards and two steals while San Antonio turned the ball over ten times—a pretty average number.

Despite that, Memphis did a fantastic job of taking away San Antonio’s strengths. The Spurs, the best three-point shooting team in the league, averaged 21.1 attempts per game during the regular season (seventh in the league) and hit them at a league-best 40 percent. The Spurs managed only six makes Sunday, on 15 attempts. The Grizzlies did a fantastic job of running the Spurs off of the three-point line and forcing them to drive into the lane, where both Memphis bigs had a pair of blocks. The loss of Manu Ginobili obviously hurt (one of the best drive and dish 2-guards in the game) but Memphis had an excellent game plan they executed to perfection.

Doesn’t that just sound weird to say?

About the Zach Randolph signing: If you didn’t already know, Randolph was rewarded with a four-year, $71 million contract extension, announced yesterday. He’s played great the past two years; a contract extension was certainly deserved. Players who can consistently put up a 20-10 are very rare commodities—if you’ve got one, you have to keep him. But this IS Zach Randolph we’re talking about. He’s been playing for a big-money contract the past couple years, and now that he’s got one, does he revert back to insane, selfish, uncaring Zach Randolph? I have a feeling Memphis should have given Randolph a max one year deal every season. But how fair is that? Randolph deserves financial security just like the rest of us…

Is Doc Rivers a master of death magic?

Jermaine O’Neal is ALIVVVVEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! He set hard picks, crashed the offensive glass, blocked shots, hit jumpers, and played his ass off. How long until his knee explodes?

As only Kevin Garnett can say it: ANYTHING'SSSSSSSS POSSIBLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Denver is still confused…

We could see it last night; down the stretch of a close game, the Denver Nuggets still haven’t figured out what to do. Here’s one thing I don’t understand, why was the ball in Raymond Felton’s hands rather than Ty Lawson’s? Lawson is the better play-maker—what am I missing?

But without Carmelo, who do the Nuggets run plays for in the final two minutes of a close game? Gallinari, Chandler, J.R. Smith? Do you ride the hot hand? Right now Denver seems to be riding the hot hand, which for my money, seems to be the most logical solution. Eventually though, Danilo Gallinari has to develop into that role…

Has Mike D’Antoni been fired yet?

The Knicks got boned by some questionable officiating last night, including a terrible offensive foul on Carmelo Anthony with twenty seconds to go and a missed trip by Kevin Garnett right before Ray Allen’s game winner. But D’Antoni was simply destroyed by Doc Rivers when it came to execution down the stretch. Rivers alley-oop play for Garnett out of a timeout with 35 seconds left was simply incredible. Even more incredible was that Boston ran the same play several weeks ago against Dallas but failed because Rajon Rondo flubbed the pass. Not this time. D’Antoni, in the last two minutes of the game, failed to get the ball to Amare Stoudemire, who made Garnett his bitch through a majority of the fourth quarter. Garnett dug in during the last couple of minutes and did a great job denying Amare the ball, but it’s on D’Antoni to come up with something to get his most productive player the basketball.

Carmelo Anthony was equally horrible, settling for long threes, stopping the ball, and all around ruining New York’s offense. And his desire to be the hero and check Paul Pierce one-on-one on Boston’s last possession played right into their hands by helping Ray Allen get wide open.

This is going to be the best two months EVER.

Day 1 Recap--No one loses quite like Dwight Howard

How awesome are the NBA playoffs? Seriously, the Pacers almost shocked the world, Dwight Howard accomplished something only Hakeem Olajuwon and um, Bonzi Wells can claim to have done, and the 76er’s nearly capped off an epic comeback against the Heat. And if you needed one more scrap of evidence, my father—who never, ever, ever watches basketball—tuned in for about twenty minutes.

So here are some thoughts from day one of what will be a busy two months for my television, and a frustrating one for friends and family.

Jason Kidd is alive…

Where the hell did that come from? He had flies buzzing around him and the vultures were circling just last week. For Jason Kidd to score 21 points and hit six threes after his worst three-point shooting season since 2003 is truly incredible. It remains to be seen if his performance can be replicated, but if Kidd does what he did tonight regularly we’ll all have to reevaluate the Mavericks chances in the playoffs.

Derrick Rose is preposterous…

It’s really the only way to describe what he did to the Pacers—who, I might add, thoroughly outplayed Chicago for 47 minutes. It’s not simply the stats Rose puts up; it’s how he puts them up that has so enthralled America. It’s how he slithers through the paint dodging bodies like a runningback and explodes through the hole like Barry Sanders. It’s how he makes difficult shots look easy, and impossible shots seem effortless. Rose approaches every spinning off-balance layup, every lefty-banker, every step-back jumper like he’s solving a Rubik’s Cube. Scoring is a math problem, and Derrick Rose happens to be Albert Einstein.

Portland’s most obvious flaw was evident for all to see…

For all the advantages Portland seemed to possess against the Mavericks, we had ONE concern, one issue that has plagued the Blazers all season. How do they score when opponents pack the paint and concede the outside shot? Aldridge got his points (from about 234 alley-oops) but neither Batum, Fernandez, Miller, Mathews, Wallace or Roy could knock down the simple eighteen-footer. And tonight wasn’t an outlier, Portland shot 37.3 % from 16-23 feet for the season, the second worst mark in the league. Their length bothered Dirk for most of the night, but they just couldn’t convert enough buckets to take advantage. Of course, even an average night from Jason Kidd might have led to a Portland victory…game two will be telling.

Oh, and Andre Miller might be the only point guard in history to shoot three-pointers flat-footed.

The Orlando Magic may just be in trouble…

Dwight Howard did everything short of physically assaulting Atlanta’s big men for 46 minutes, and Orlando still fell well short of a win. I didn’t take game one as a hit to Howard’s MVP candidacy, but rather, validation that his supporting cast is simply rotten. Dwight scored 46 points on 22 shots, dunking, shooting over, shooting around, shooting through, and generally ravaging any Atlanta big man he could get his hands on. He went 14-22 at the line (solid for Howard), grabbed 19 boards (six offensive), turned in a highlight reel block, and even sported a goatee for good measure. But besides Howard and point guard Jameer Nelson, the other seven guys played like I would after an appendectomy. They can’t expect to win anything if Jason Richardson hits only two shots and Hedo Turkoglu is about as much of a factor as Earl Clark. Oh…Earl Clark didn’t play.

Random fun fact: According to Basketball Reference, Dwight Howard is the only player in NBA history to score 45+ points and grab 19+ boards in a playoff game and lose. And Howards one of only twelve guys to score 45+ in a playoff game since 1991 and lose. Can we call this the Kobe Bryant club?

Indiana’s performance was fluky…

For those thinking it might be a series after all, SORRY.

-Indiana shot 56% from deep (10-18). They’re a middling three-point shooting squad, 16th in the NBA in terms of percentage (35%) and Chicago is the best team in the league at defending the three-ball by a WIDE margin. Don’t expect Indiana to get hot like that for the rest of the series…the stats just don’t say it will happen.

-For most of the game Indiana was lights out from 16-23 feet (44% for the game), an area of the floor they normally struggle with. Tyler Hansbrough was also incredible, knocking down seven of ten jumpers from 16-23 feet.

-Indiana gave Chicago their best shot…and lost. That is not good for the psyche. Especially when your coach looks like Colin Cowherd. That is most definitely not good for your psyche.

Photo courtesy of Sports Illustrated

MEGA PLAYOFF PREVIEW

Tonight concludes the most exciting, most watchable, and all around best NBA regular season ever. By my count, 21 teams made exceedingly great television—either because they were title contenders, they were scrappy underdogs, offensive savants (I’m looking at you Golden State), possessed must-watch athletes (what’s up Blake Griffin?), or were grand experiments in basketball team building (good god, is that Pat Riley’s music?). That’s pretty damn good.

Because of how compelling the offseason was with the “Summer of LeBron” and more star player movement than you could shake Greg Gumbel’s hairpiece at, the expectations for 2010-2011 were through the roof. More people had at least a passing interest in professional basketball than I could ever remember.

Some of the biggest and juiciest storylines heading into the season:

1) The Heatles: From Dwyane Wade creating some form of suspense by callously visiting the Bulls a second time to convince the world the Bulls had a chance, to LBJ taking his talents to South Beach on live television, to the trio holding a narcissistic championship celebration before anything was actually accomplished, to ESPN creating the Heat Watch to specifically cater to America’s voracious appetite for Heat-related news—the foundation was laid for the Miami Heat to become sport’s most hated franchise. And then every ESPN analyst this side of Bill Simmons decided Miami was the championship favorite and some even thought they had 70+ wins in them.

2) The Thunder: Kevin Durant was the pre-ordained MVP and the Thunder were everyone’s trendy pick to win the west. Could they eclipse sixty wins, overtake the Lakers maybe? For my money the most entertaining team to watch in basketball.

3) Blakemania: There were rumblings from Blake Griffin’s summer league appearances that Griffin was truly something special. No one expected Blake to devastate rims at a rate rivaled only by Shawn Kemp and Dominique Wilkins. As the season wore on and Griffin continued to ravage rims and foreign centers it appeared with more and more certainty that Twitter’s ultimate purpose was chronicling Blakemania.

4) Melo-drama: Here’s what we knew for sure heading into the season: Carmelo Anthony wanted out of Denver, absolutely didn’t want to play for the New Jersey Nets, and absolutely wanted to play for the New York Knicks. Up until the trade deadline we were taken for a roller-coaster ride as we were alternatively led to believe Melo was going to stay in Denver, then that he was going to the Nets but wouldn’t sign a long-term contract, then that he was going to stay after all, again we thought he might be traded to the Nets, and finally after every analyst decided Melo to New York was not feasible for Denver, he of course, was traded to the New York Knicks. And just to screw all the NBA analysts a little bit more the Nuggets embarked on a rollicking 18-6 stretch after the trade in which they finally seemed to play a brand of fast-paced ball the team was meant to all along. You couldn’t make this stuff up.

Without further ado, how I see the playoff teams, from worst to first:

You don’t stand a chance:

Indiana Pacers: Undeniably the worst team in the postseason, the Pacers received the unholy gift of playing Chicago round one. An admirable effort by this guy to make a case for the Pacers, but really, they don’t stand a chance unless Larry Bird rips off his suit and scores 40 a game.

One quick tangent before I move on: did ANYONE expect Tyler Hansbrough to be this good—well—ever? His overall numbers weren’t spectacular, but that 29-12 against Chicago? 27-10 against the Nuggets? Or his string of five straight 20+ point games? Totally unexpected. With Danny Granger, Roy Hibbert, Hansbrough, and Darren Collinson the Pacers have a pretty solid core, and with one or two smart acquisitions it could be the core of a perennial playoff squad.

New Orleans Hornets: If you keep up with this blog with any kind of regularity (all 12 of you), then you know I’m an unabashed, head over heels Chris Paul lover. I love how he plays the game, I love how he’s as great a passer as Rajon Rondo but commits less turnovers, I love how he’s barely six feet tall but can launch a smooth-as-silk jumper over Tyson Chandler like he was 6’1” rather than 7’1”, and I love how damn amazing he is with the basketball. So you can imagine my utter dismay with Paul’s recent injury trouble.

When a basketball player wears this:



It’s a bad sign. And when he dons it for a full season? Oh boy.

He’s shown flashes (like his 17-11-5 average in March and his 28-10-9 against the Rockets last week), but athletically he’s just not the same. Not quite to the same extent as Brandon Roy, but his first step has deteriorated and his speed is gone. That’s fine for a 33 year-old—say Paul Pierce—but not for a 25 year-old guard coming off one of the best seasons of the past twenty years before his injury. Chris Paul’s spaghetti knees are a crime against humanity.

And just to depress Hornets fans a little bit more, David West suffered an ugly, ugly season ending injury in the midst of a career year. Chris Paul may have been the straw that stirs the drink, but West was the drink itself. Because of Paul’s injury woes, New Orleans ran the offense through West…and he responded.

I should probably move on because that open window is looking awful tempting…

Playoff Purgatory:

Atlanta Hawks: Make a list of Atlanta’s five best players; here’s mine, from best to worst: Al Horford, Josh Smith, Joe Johnson, Jamal Crawford, Marvin Williams. It makes it all the more astonishing that Johnson, third on my list, not only has the biggest contract on the team at $123 million but makes almost twice as much as Josh Smith and Al Horford will over the next three years combined.

Some more fun facts about Johnson’s contract (thanks to ShamSports):

-He’s making more this year than LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer, and Chris Bosh.

-Johnson will make nearly $25 million in the last year of his contract, which is more than Kobe Bryant is currently making, the highest paid player in the NBA.

-Al Horford, undeniably Atlanta’s most talented player (oh, and he’s only 24), recently signed a very reasonable six year deal worth $65 million. That’s almost twice as less as the 29 year-old Joe Johnson will make in the same amount of time.

-When Johnson reaches the last year of his contract—when he will earn nearly $25 million—he’ll be 35 years old.

So yes, this is why we need a lockout.

And the worst part about Atlanta’s situation? They’re perpetually stuck in second gear; a lock to win 45-48 games a year, a lock to make the playoffs, and a lock to get swept by Orlando in the first round. The Hawks like to torture fans by operating under the illusion they can make noise in the NBA at least once per season. Last year, it was Atlanta sweeping the Celtics, continuous title favorites, during the regular season and this year it was a scalding 6-0 start and 9-4 January.

Allow me one last Hawks-related nugget: Along with the Pacers, they’re the only postseason squad with an overall negative +/- differential of -0.8.

New York Knicks: After a miserable 1-9 stretch in March, the Knicks seem to be kinda-sorta clicking and won seven in a row leading up to a two game tank job. Granted, the competition was crap, but it’s something, right?

I have one Knicks-related nugget (punny, right?) to expound upon: There’s no way they’re beating the Celtics like some are saying. The Celtics match up so well with New York it makes me giddy. Pierce can score at will on Carmelo, Garnett can handle Amare, and Rondo, assuming he starts trying again, should be able to ravage the corpse of Chauncey Billups.

For the six people that actually watched Boston’s victory over the Knicks a couple days ago in their regular season finale, both teams rested their best players—Melo, Amare, and Billups for the Knicks; Rondo, Pierce, Allen, and Garnett for the Celtics. Boston’s scrubs, and I mean that in the most affectionate way possible, absolutely handled New York’s scrubs. Unfortunately for the Knicks, those scrubs actually have to play in the playoffs, while in Boston, those guys will be gathering flies at the end of the bench. The Knicks problems in a nutshell…

Scrappy Bastards:

Philadelphia 76er’s: I love Coach Doug Collins; absolutely love the guy. He doles out more hugs on the sideline than anyone I can remember and he's given us some epic meltdowns. My favorite was a couple weeks ago during the 76er’s most recent loss to the Boston Celtics. In a fit of rage after an Evan Turner turnover Collins mercilessly tore up a folded up piece of paper, and had the look of a man desperately trying to drop a monster turd while watching Tony Parker do unspeakable things to his wife. I wish I had video evidence of this, but sadly, my endless Google/YouTube searches have been fruitless. DAMN.

I’ll make the case for Collins as coach of the year in four parts:

-He’s turned Thaddeus Young into a legit sixth man of the year candidate.

-He could have used 2011 as a rebuilding year. But no, as badass as Coach Collins is, he decided to milk every single scrap of talent and effort from his middling squad and turn them into an ultimate force of destruction that could not be stopped. Maybe a little overboard, but you get the idea.

-No one has done more with less. Hollins has done great things with Memphis, but they have Zach Randolph; a legit monster down low. Thibodeau has been phenomenal for Chicago, but his squad is super talented. George Karl has likewise been exceptional, but Denver is loaded with depth. The 76er’s best player is Andre Iguodala, a 27 year old 2-guard known more for his perimeter defense than his offensive skills. Oh, and starting at center for the Philadelphia 76er’s? SPENCER HAWES!!!

-Philly started the year 5-13. 5-13!

Memphis Grizzlies: I understand why San Antonio started tanking a week ago. No, no I know what you’re thinking. They were resting their stars right? Making sure they were healthy and ready to go for the playoffs…classic Popovich. You’re wrong actually, it’s because they were desperately trying to avoid the Memphis Grizzlies in round one.

It sounds crazy, but Memphis is, beyond all comprehension, good. Tony Allen and Shane Battier are two of the top five perimeter defenders in the league. Allen is even a legit defensive player of the year candidate. Zach Randolph is a crazy beast in the post. Marc Gasol, somehow, is a quality NBA center. O.J Mayo is a streaky shooter off the bench, and Mike Conley, defying all expectations, is almost playing up to the numbers of his lofty contract. What are the chances all that happened for the Grizz this season? What are the chances Mayo kept trying hard after nearly getting traded away at the deadline, Tony Allen stopped committing horrendous turnovers, and Zach Randolph began acting like a sane human being? 500-1, 600-1?

Now think about the Spurs. Tim Duncan, with 1,200+ games on his odometer, accepted a much reduced role in the offense this season and instead concentrated on playing his normal exceptional defense, passing out of the post, and trying hard not to get injured. The Spurs suddenly relied on guard play and three point shooting rather than feeding The Big Fundamental. Am I a complete lunatic to believe the Grizzlies, with two of the best perimeter defenders in the game, can give San Antonio a hard time?

And they all have playoff beards. Crazy, ridiculously awesome playoff beards.
 
Inglorious Bastards:

Denver Nuggets: Along with the Grizzlies, is there a more eclectic gathering of individuals than in Denver? Chris Anderson, Kenyon Martin, J.R. Smith, Al Harrington…that’s four of the ten craziest guys in the NBA, right? And then there’s Danilo Gallinari who’s probably slept with every celebrity short of Michelle Obama. The fact that George Karl has been able to control these guys—not just coach them into a formidable basketball force—is astonishing.

The more I consider Denver’s amazing post-Melo’ trade run, the more I think it’s a bit fluky. The team just isn’t built for conventional postseason success. Here’s the proven formula for playoff success: a top five half-court defense, a proven clutch scorer who is confident enough to take-and make crucial shots in the last five minutes of a close game (say what you want about Carmelo Anthony, but he was one of the best closers in basketball), a solid post scorer, and one-two solid defenders in the paint. Denver’s defense is mediocre at best, they’re end-of-game scoring is run by committee, and their only OK post defender is Kenyon Martin. Denver’s fast as hell, and can run teams off the court, but when has that led to a deep playoff run?

And of course, the feel good Nuggets have the misfortune of playing the Thunder in round one, just the kind of young, athletic team that can keep pace with the Nuggets.

Portland Trailblazers: Just like the Denver Nuggets aren’t built for postseason success, the Portland Trailblazers are built to make a deep run. 6th in points allowed, 13th in defensive efficiency, the Blazers are solid in the half-court and play a slow, plodding offensive game—averaging just under 91 possessions per game, well below the league average of 94.5. In the playoffs, as the game slows down, transition opportunities are limited and half-court play rules, the Portland Trailblazers would seem to be primed for a solid postseason.

Forget about the stats for a minute; Portland just seems like a frustrating team to play. Ever play on an intramural team full of tall lanky dudes who seem impossible to score against because of their absurdly long arms? Isn’t that the Portland Trailblazers in a nutshell? Portland’s front line of Gerald Wallace, Nicolas Batum, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Marcus Camby is truly frightening. That’s four, FOUR players capable of grabbing 10+ boards any given night. Aren’t the Lakers, with a healthy Bynum, the only other team that can boast the same rebounding prowess?

My only concern is the long scoring droughts Portland seems to go through once per half. They should have beaten the Lakers by thirty a couple weeks ago, but instead, they missed about fifty jumpers in a row, and Los Angeles made it interesting in the fourth quarter. You can thank Rudy Fernandez for that, who is 4-764 from deep since early March.

On the cusp:

Orlando Magic: The Magic truly are an enigma. Dwight Howard is the best defensive player in basketball, an unequaled defensive force who—all by himself—makes the Magic a really good defensive team. Think about that for a minute. A team of many, many guys I could probably take off the dribble look good in large part because of Howard’s defensive dominance. That, along with Howard’s improved offensive game, has got a lot of advanced metric advocates having Howardgasms. Here’s why I can’t give it to him: He’s missed TWO games—yes two—because of technical fouls. Sorry, but my MVP candidate can’t miss games because he throws tantrums like my six year-old niece when she can’t have cake for dinner.

Dallas Mavericks: Has there been a more devalued three seed in history? Put it this way, we think Portland got lucky drawing the Mavs in round one.

Here’s where Dallas is in trouble: everyone except Dirk, Tyson Chandler, and Rodrigue Beaubois is past their prime and playing like it. Jason Kidd, after having a career three-point shooting year last season, has been corpse-like the past month. And if Beaubois can’t go? DeShawn Stevenson is starting, Moses beard, neck tattoos and all. So with Stevenson instead of Beaubois at the two-guard, that gives Dallas the most unathletic starting five in history, right?

It’s weird that the Mavs—a 57 win team that started the year off at 23-7 and went on an 18-1 run in February and March—isn’t given much of a chance to beat a six seed. But they just don’t matchup well. Portland can throw ridiculous length at Dirk and bother their shooters. We all deserve a Mavericks-Lakers series—which Marc Stein pointed out hasn’t happened in the Dirk era—but it looks like Portland plays the role of spoiler.

Poor Dirk.

The Contenders:

Boston Celtics: A month and a half later I still can’t put a coherent series of paragraphs together about the Boston Celtic’s demise. What follows is a jumbled stream of consciousness; my depression given form:

A. The most fascinating part of the trade? Exactly the area you would most expect to suffer—defense—has been just as great as it was pre-trade and in seasons past. Offensively, though, Boston has been horrendous. Why is it that the loss of Perkins, a marginal offensive player at best, drastically affected the Celtics ability to score? First, remember that Boston’s best stretch of the season, in which they went 33-10 and were stellar on both sides of the ball, did not include Perkins. Rondo, Boston’s A+ point guard, was on a record setting pace during that 33-10 stretch. In Rondo’s first twenty games he handed out 10+ dimes in SEVENTEEN contests, and 24 in one. During this ugly stretch when Boston plummeted to the three seed, Rondo has been anything but spectacular. It’s no secret that he’s the maestro that makes Boston’s offense hum; his indifferent and lackadaisical play is a likely root of Boston’s scoring conundrum.

But I can’t help but wonder whether the Celtics miss Perkins screen-setting—of which he was one of the best in the league. Is that why Ray Allen, whose entire offense is predicated on coming off solid screens for open jumpers, has been a forgotten part of the offense? I can’t remember Allen EVER dribbling as often as he does now in the time he’s worn Celtic’s green. Nenad Kristc and Jeff Green don’t exactly set bone-crushing picks…

B. Why couldn’t the C’s have gotten Gerald Wallace; he was certainly there to be had…just ask Portland. Portland gave up two future first-round picks (which will be mid-round at best), Joel Pryzbilla (a 10th man at best), and Dante Cunningham (wait…who?). Package Glen Davis, Semih Erden, a future first-rounder, and three million; who says no? Charlotte gets a young forward for cheap, a mega-project center, and a future first-rounder. Most importantly, Charlotte saves a ton of money, their primary goal in the trade. Boston gets Wallace, an elite defender, an elite rebounder, and another enforcer. The C’s were searching for an adequate sixth man who could give solid minutes behind Paul Pierce, Wallace is that. Plus, unlike the young Jeff Green, doesn’t Wallace immediately connect with Boston’s old vets?

This is the type of stuff that keeps me up at night…

C. What terrifies me the most about these new-look Celtics isn’t the bad losses to bottom feeders, not the loss of the top seed…it’s the way they were CRUSHED by the Bulls and Heat in consecutive games by double-digits. Chicago played a more physical game, and simply out-classed the Celtics. No excuses, the Bulls were just better. I remember Kurt Thomas decking Ray Allen, defending him off a screen, and just standing over him, jaw locked, beady eyes focused on his hated rival. That’s the type of thing the Celtics were known for…not anymore.

San Antonio Spurs: It’s pretty astonishing how the Spurs completely altered the way they approach basketball, and succeeded. San Antonio used to be known for defense and Tim Duncan; now it’s three-point shooting, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobili. It speaks to Popovich’s coaching ability that he redefined his philosophy based on the players he had, and coaxed a solid season from Richard Jefferson after a miserable one last year.

That said, the Spurs can’t hang with the Lakers and Bulls. They just don’t have the size. Remember when the Orlando magic reached the Finals a couple years ago and lost to the Lakers? Dwight Howard and a bunch of shooters couldn’t handle Los Angeles and all their length. The Spurs are better than that, but isn’t the principle the same? Who can defend Bynum, Odom, and Gasol?

Oklahoma City Thunder: It’s not hard to pick Chicago and Los Angeles to reach the Finals, but I can’t help but wonder, “why not OKC”? Seriously, why not? The trade of Jeff Green and acquisition of Perkins did more than just give them an interior presence…the Thunder just feel right now, don’t they? James Harden is finally getting the playing time he deserves (17 ppg in March), Serge Ibaka slides to the four, starts, and can spend more time roving the paint and blocking shots (3.6 blocks per game in March, 3.1 in April), and Durant never has to play the four again. This team always felt like it was missing something…not anymore.

Miami Heat: Remember the panic six weeks ago when the Heat couldn’t win a close game? Have they done anything different since then except not get in some of those close games? Chris Bosh is the same old Chris Bosh, Mike Miller still looks frightened (and still hasn’t been able to buy a shot), and their bench is the worst in the postseason. I know Miami still has LeBron James, but give me one good reason they can beat the elite. And as the games slow down in the playoffs and transition opportunities become scarcer, can Miami score?

One interesting point John Hollinger brought up: Miami has rarely ran the LeBron James-Dwyane Wade pick-and-roll, by accounts one of the most feared plays in basketball. Of note though, is that Miami has gone to it more and more as the playoffs approach. Hollinger wondered whether Miami was saving it for the postseason—could their offense be totally different in the playoffs? Do the ultimate basketball villains have a secret weapon?

Los Angeles Lakers: As long as Los Angeles has the incredible length and skill of Andrew Bynum, Pau Gasol, and Lamar Odom they’re title favorites. So why are they second to the Chicago Bulls? On paper the Bulls are better. Derrick Rose is to Derek Fisher what Beyoncé is to Rebecca Black, Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah should in theory, be able to matchup with Bynum and Gasol. But Los Angeles has won two titles in a row, and they know they can win a third. Chicago, as confident as they may be, don’t know if they can win the title. That’s a subtle, yet important point. L.A has the swagger of a team that’s won two titles in a row. What happens if Chicago goes down 2-1 in a series; I know Los Angeles is fine, but is Chicago?

The Favorite:

Chicago Bulls: Chicago’s got it all. They’re big, they’re long, they’re mean, and they defend. They’re nasty; they push you around, they frustrate you. From Boozer’s Just for Men beard, to Joakim’s Noah obnoxiousness, to Kurt Thomas’s physical defense. They get under your skin, and as games wear on, that makes a difference. It’s what the Boston Celtics used to be with Kendrick Perkins and Tony Allen.

We scrutinize them, we over-analyze them, and the only dent in Chicago’s armor we can find is inexperience. I don’t buy it. Noah and Rose were baptized in the fire of war two years ago, when they took the Boston Celtics to seven games in the most epic first-round series ever. Conventional wisdom holds that you need to experience defeat; you need to take a hit in the mouth, experience what it’s like to lose in the biggest stage imaginable, and you need the drive to NEVER want to experience that feeling again. Rose took a hammer to the face in that aforementioned series two years ago, got swept by the Cavaliers last year, and is back with his most inspired season yet. These guys have the freakin’ look.

Chicago Bulls OVER Oklahoma City Thunder in SEVEN

Bulls vs. Celtics

Holy hell am I looking forward to this one. In the words of the immortal Jim Nantz, this one's for best in show.

In honor of the most important late-season game we’ll have this year, I’ve accomplished the rare feat of cobbling together TWO pieces of writing in THREE days. I know, you’re SHOCKED.

Tonight’s game is a crucial measuring stick for both squads. They’ve played three times this season, with the Celtics winning the first in overtime, winning the second handily, and losing the third (without Kevin Garnett) by double-digits. A Boston victory would in large part expel recent “OMG THE SKY IS FALLING” fears and cement the C’s as favorites in the East. A Chicago victory would paint them as the eastern front-runners and bolster their status as best team in the league. The Bulls would have to commit a truly legendary choke-job to lose the number one seed, so this one is mostly for status, confidence, and bragging rights. But don’t think that doesn’t matter, not in the least bit. Basketball, like sports in general, is a psychological game. When these two squads inevitably meet again in May, the winner of tonight’s game will have the mental advantage. It also means I don’t have to read crappy columns about the fall of the Celtics for the next several days…

So let’s bang this out in a gimmicky Q&A format:

Don’t you think you’re overhyping an end of season game?

Not really. A Chicago win all but guarantees them the top seed in the east. How big is the difference between the one and two seed? It’s the difference between playing the Indiana Pacers and the 76er’s/Knicks. So Chicago wants this win for reasons beyond the gratification that comes with beating your closest rival.

Boston has a tiny glimmer of hope of stealing that coveted one seed. Kevin Garnett himself professed the following concerning the importance of playoff seeding according to ESPN Boston, “It always matters. As much as people say it [doesn't], it always matters. If it didn't matter, then it wouldn't be a one, two, three four or five. It wouldn't be a sequence.” If Garnett, Boston’s own super-saiyan energy bunny and emotional leader thinks it’s important, you better believe the rest of the team does too.

Can we see that video of Rondo punching Brad Miller in the face again?

Glad you asked:

If you don’t think there’s some bad blood between these two teams, just ask Joakim Noah.

What should we take away from Boston’s most recent defeat to the Bulls, a 79-90 loss in early January?

Several things actually:

1. Take it with a grain of salt, because the Celtics were without Kevin Garnett, their defensive stalwart and leader. I’m not saying the Bulls didn’t put together an impressive performance, but in their two previous games with Garnett, Boston won by a combined seventeen points.

Of course, Chicago was without Noah, so I guess this could go both ways.

2. Derrick Rose went bananas crazy, scoring 36 points and getting to the line 19(!) times. Rondo needs to do a better job defensively. If Rose hits shots with a hand in his face there’s not much you can do. But getting to the line nearly twenty times? That can’t happen.

3. Boozer had a fantastic game, scoring 22 points and grabbing ten boards. In particular, take a gander at his shot chart. He took seven of his fifteen shots in the paint and made six. Look for Boozer to have greater difficulty scoring on Garnett than the undersized Glenn Davis.

What are the keys to victory for both teams?

For Boston:

1. An engaged Rondo, with a performance like we saw in San Antonio last week. Considering the implications here, I would expect nothing less.

2. A solid defensive performance from either Jermaine or Nenad. We know Garnett will do his part on Boozer, but can at least one of Boston’s bigs do an adequate job of holding Noah off the boards? In 2009’s epic first round series Noah averaged 13 boards a game and grabbed at least 15 four times. If they can’t contain Noah Boston doesn’t have a prayer against Bynum, Howard, or Gasol.

3. A Jeff Green sighting. Loul Deng is a fantastic defender, sure to make Pierce work on the offensive end. A solid offensive performance from Green would go a long way to ensure Pierce gets a couple long breathers.

For Chicago:

1. A monster Rose performance. If he can abuse Rondo and get to the line a million times look for Chicago to win easily.

2. A double-digit rebound game from Brian Scalabrine. JUST KIDDIN’

3. One hell of a rebounding night. Chicago has been out-rebounded in three of their last five games. It’s not much of a problem against the Suns and Pistons, but it would likely mean a loss against Boston. Considering it’s Chicago’s greatest strength against the Celtics, the stat is crucial. Keep an eye on the numbers as the game goes along…

What's an MVP, anyway?

What the hell is an MVP anyway? No one really knows in any sport, but especially in professional basketball. Is it the player who had the most productive season of anyone in the league? Is it the guy who carries the most burden on his team, and thus, by the definition of the word, the most valuable? Is it the best player on the consensus best team? Is it the guy having a career year or the athlete with the best “story”?

Often, the hazy MVP criteria aren’t a problem because one player stands out from the rest so starkly that the choice is obvious. Take last year for example, when LeBron James put up a 30-9-7 on his way to one of the greatest regular seasons since the merger. How was he not the NBA’s most valuable player? But this year, we have a problem.

The MVP race is not as clear cut as before, and instead, we have several candidates that are all putting together terrific seasons. Thus, with the race so close this year, a veritable war of ideas and theories has erupted over the sports blogosphere as folks hype their own candidate and bemoan the others.

So again, what the hell is the MVP?

Forget the “most valuable” and “best player” stuff, it’s all about who’s scooped up by the media and rides the hype all the way to the end of the season. For the last two years it was LeBron James, who was the sport’s world’s darling before he obliterated any scrap of sympathy by announcing his “decision” on live television and subsequently holding a championship parade before the start of the regular season. The year before it was Kobe Bryant because everyone convinced themselves he deserved it after a decade of brilliant play and no trophy to call his own.

This season it’s Derrick Rose. Not only is he playing out of his mind, but he’s seen as a humble, blue-collar, hard-working basketball player. Not only that, but he worked his butt off over the off-season to develop a reliable jump shot and has completely bought into coach Tom Thibadeau’s system. Finally, his team is winning (a lot)—which may be the most important stat to the voters.

Dwight Howard has been steadily gaining steam in the blogosphere and among advanced metric lovers, but he hasn’t garnered nearly the attention Rose has amongst the mainstream media. Why? The Orlando Magic are struggling, BIG TIME, and have won eight less games than Rose’s Bulls. More on Howard in a bit…

LeBron James, unarguably the finest basketball player in the world, is also a legit candidate. And by legit candidate I mean he’s having yet another brilliant season and should probably win the MVP award for the next ten years in a row—just as Jordan should have. But remember that whole perception and media hype thing I droned on about? LBJ is a perfect example. Who wants to give the award to some jack-ass, spoiled athlete who has all the talent in the world over a guy who has improved across the board and developed an entirely new skill in one summer’s work?

Derrick Rose made the leap this season. He went from a solid young player with vast potential to superstar level status. Voters like that—everyone likes it. James has been putting up a 28-7-7 for the past seven years; we’re used to his brilliance by now. But Rose? This is new. We’ve got a new inductee in the “guaranteed to make SportsCenter’s Top 10 every time he plays” club along with LBJ, Dwyane Wade, Blake Griffin, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, and Kevin Durant. I beg your forgiveness for the following analogy, but remember when Taylor Swift won the “Best Album” Grammy a couple years ago over Beyoncé? Swift won because she was young and fresh on the scene—full of potential. Beyoncé has been pumping out A+ albums for a decade and is the favorite to win every time she releases something new. Of course the young, budding superstar won it—that’s human nature for you. It may be wrong, but it’s reality.

The NBA has done an awful job defining exactly what the MVP award is. Some stand by the belief the award is meant for the player whose individual efforts are most responsible for his team’s success. Others believe it should go to basketball’s best player. I.E its most skilled, most dominant, and most productive athlete. We’ve got several decades worth of history to pore over, and has the award EVER gone to the league’s most valuable? For God’s sake if we did that Steve Nash should win the award considering the Sun’s offense is a million times better with him on the floor than off. If we go by “most valuable” Kevin Garnett should have won the award in 2008 after he transformed the Boston Celtics with his intensity, defensive focus, and leadership.

Statistically Rose has been crucified for a poor shooting percentage (he’ll be only the second MVP since 1965 with a shooting percentage less than .450), and plus-minus numbers which indicate the Bulls defense is better without Rose on the floor. What that fails to recognize is how Rose carries the Bull’s offense nightly and is their ONLY athletic guard who can handle the ball, doesn’t have a legitimate ball-handler backing him up, and is the engine that makes Chicago’s offense hum.

You’ll never guess who the only other player to win MVP with a sub-.450 shooting percentage was. Prepare for your mind to be blown: Allen Iverson and his mark of .420—shocking, I know. There’s a whole army of people who don’t think Iverson deserved the award but that’s another thousand words. Suffice to say there were arguments against his candidacy. Iverson won the award because he owned the association that year. Everyone fell in love with the chippy, fearless, and sub-six foot point guard (he’s listed as 6’0 but there’s no way he was that tall). Should Shaq have won it for the second consecutive year after putting up a 29-13 and leading the Lakers to 55+ wins again? Probably, but AI captured the basketball watching worlds imagination like few before him.

The Most Valuable Player award isn’t merely given to the guy with the best stats, the player most valuable to his team, or the most productive player in the league. I’ll take a page from Bill Simmons, and ask: who owned the season? It may be the type of theory to make stat heads cringe, but many fail to realize that the MVP award encompasses more than sheer on-court production. When I’m a billionaire in 2025, bathing in a tub of gold, and kissing my miniature giraffe like the guy from those Netflix commercials, who do I remember from that 2010-2011 season? It won’t be Dwight Howard and his mediocre Magic team nor LeBron James and his putting-it-all-together Miami Heat, it will Be Derrick Rose and his borderline-juggernaut Chicago Bulls. I’ll remember how Rose quadrupled his three-point production in one offseason’s work, how he carried a beat-up Bulls squad for a large part of the year, how he continuously exhibited borderline Jordan intensity and edge, and how badly I wanted him to shave his little mustache.