Lessons Learned

What we know about the All-Star game: Solid defense is about as absent as Craig Sager’s taste, effort is as prominent as Kobe Bryant’s willingness to share the basketball, and Dwight Howard prefers not to sweat in meaningless games.

Two of those held true Sunday Night, but the effort, oh the effort was there. Whether it was LeBron James barreling from the top of the key to the basket in three steps, or Kobe Bryant scoring 21 in the first half, or Kevin Durant silencing the East’s comeback with two quick daggers; it was obvious these guys cared.

It was refreshing to see LeBron James first try to inspire the troops through language in the huddle, and then back it up with relentless drives to the basket. Sure, the defense wasn’t as tight as it would be in a playoff game seven, but LeBron James played his ass off…and so did Kobe. It’s been a long time since we could say that about anyone in an All-Star game…

At its best, the game is a microcosm of the season it represents. This one, much to my surprise, did just that. Lessons learned:

1. Kobe just hanging on…

Jason Whitlock of Fox Sports wrote a great column on Kobe earlier today: but I’ll summarize my thoughts on Bryant’s performance.

Kobe Bryant is a man who is obsessed with his legacy, that I’m sure of. He wants to top Michael Jordan and be recognized as the best basketball player ever when his career is over. Yes, he’s a winner, but he wins on his own terms. Last night, he was gunning for the All-star MVP—which would be his record tying fourth—from the opening tip. He hoisted up 26 shots, in a freakin’ All-Star game. Who does that? Actually only one other person, Wilt Chamberlain (what a surprise!) with 27. That fourth trophy was just another piece for the mantle, and another portfolio builder in an already illustrious career.

You don’t think those Kobe throw downs—vintage turn of the millennium Kobe slams—were a hidden message to the young guns that hey, I still got it? Unfortunately Kobe, you might have lost it.

As Whitlock pointed out, Kobe isn’t ready to pass the torch, and he never will be. Even though he was gassed by the fourth quarter he was content to play one on five and shoot contested jumpers—even as LeBron James was willing the East back from a double digit deficit. Your All-star MVP came within two life-saving Kevin Durant jumpers of losing the game and relinquishing an MVP trophy that seemed his by right after an explosive first half.


2. LeBron James is still the alpha-dog

A phrase popularized by Bill Simmons, the league’s alpha dog is its best player, most dominant personality, and most recognizable star. After a summer in which James drove a stake through the heart of Cleveland and announced his departure on live television, it became popular to jump off the King James bandwagon and crown someone else—Kevin Durant, Derrick Rose, Chris Paul or whoever else it may be—as the NBA’s G-O-T-H, or: Greatest of This Hour.

Well guess what? LeBron James—crass jack-ass though he may be—is the best basketball player in the world. Even better than MVP Justin Bieber. No one is capable of taking the ball to the hoop like James—no one. It goes something like this: LeBron takes the inbound pass and glides to half court with his man lying well off, all too aware of the King’s burst and power. He lulls you to sleep as he dribbles to the top of the key, and then like a hurricane he bounds past his defender and with three loping strides he’s at the basket. Just like that—and you’re powerless to stop him. He’s too big, too fast, too quick. Maybe he’s a little to content shooting long jumpers, but last night was a reminder that King James, when he wants to be, is utterly unstoppable.

And then, just as were witnessing a vintage virtuoso LeBron performance, James the I-kinda-don’t-wanna-be-the-alpha-dog-can’t-I-just-facilitate showed up. That’s the LeBron that would rather pass to open teammates (much worse players I might add) than take the big shot himself. The same things that make the King great also leave us asking for more. Kind of like Lost; the mystery that made the show a cult classic also always left you wanting more.

Why disregard a good look from 24 feet and pass to Chris Bosh, who subsequently bricked a three from the top of the cylinder? In that respect, James needs a little Kobe…


3. Kevin Durant among the elite

Well duh, but Durant’s performance against the league’s best reaffirmed our suspicion that the Durantula is among the five or six best basketball players in the world. He might not be the unstoppable force that is LeBron James (yet, at least), but he is one of the most skilled offensive players in the game, and is a jump shooting big man second only to Dirk. His misses are beautiful and his jumpers never seem effected by the most rigorous of contests. He even sealed the game for the west after a bout of “Kobe-ball” when Durant knocked down a quick transition three followed by an 18 foot rainbow.

Giving the game another look over, it pretty flawlessly represents the current hierarchy of the NBA. LeBron the alpha-dog, the triple-double machine who can take over a game at any point. He’s followed by Kobe, still the same ridiculously skilled player, but without the hops/explosiveness of yesteryear. A falling star not yet willing to pass the torch to the Durant’s and Rose’s of the world. Then you’ve got the young guns, contending MVP’s Derrick Rose, and Kevin Durant. Chris Paul, even with his ailing knee remains the greatest field general in basketball. His passes are unreal.

Some quick hit observations

1. Ibaka got robbed.

Compare Serge Ibaka’s free-throw line dunk to Julius Erving’s and Michael Jordan’s iconic slams. Ibaka is the only one who actually dunked from behind the line. That’s 15 feet! THE MAN JUMPED 15 FEET. And he only earned a 45 from the judges…

2. I think Justin Bieber has a weird shooting form…

Gotta’ hand it to him though…he went on national television and played with guys who have a lot more experience playing basketball. And he wasn’t even awful…

3. Doc Rivers and Gregg Popovich might be laughing their asses off come playoff time…

Combined minutes of Miami’s three All-Star’s: 73.
Combined minutes of Boston’s four All-star’s: 57
Combined minutes of L.A’s two All-star’s: 53
Combined minutes of San Antonio’s two All-stars: 33

And the cherry on top: Dwyane Wade twisted his ankle. Both coaches played this very, very intelligently.

4. Blake Griffin is the greatest marketing machine in the NBA…

…and believe it or not, maybe in all of sports. He’s likeable, hasn’t backstabbed thousands of devoted fans (yet), plays with an aggression more befitting of a Roman Gladiator than a gazillionaire sports star, and is the only athlete in any major professional sports that could potentially break his neck any given night because he plays so damn hard. Oh, and he dunks over cars…yeah, that helps. Here’s a great column by J.A Adande of ESPN highlighting the business of the NBA. Worth a read, trust me, I’m an expert.

5. Melo’ going through the motions…

He looked exhausted Sunday night, and his numbers showed it. Eight points, seven boards, and three turnovers in 23 minutes despite being a starter for the west. I guess the constant stream of trade rumors and weekend full of “meetings” and parties really does ware one down. Don’t worry; I’ll have a full column to settle your thirst for Melo knowledge when this whole deal is over. /sarcasm

6. The NBA knows how to put together a half-time show

-Rihanna>Fergie

-Kanye West>Usher

-Lenny Kravitz>everything

Please excuse the American Idol reference, but it’s completely necessary. You know how whenever an Idol is voted off the show they run a short little three minute clip of their time as a contestant? Ideally, that’s how we want the NBA All-star game to work. After watching it, even if you live under a rock, you should come away knowing who is that season’s alpha dog, what the hierarchy of the game’s best players is, and a snapshot of what the game’s elite athletes do best. It functions as a 48 minute yearbook…

This year was among the best ever. Now let's fix the Pro Bowl...

All-Star Weekend Primer

You should totally spend copious amounts of time this weekend watching the All-Star festivities. No, really, you should. It took Bill Simmons 4,000 words, but he astutely pointed out just how historically great this All- Star game could be. The west is so loaded it took divine intervention from David Stern for Kevin Love—a guy averaging the first 20-15 since Moses Malone—to earn a spot as a reserve. LaMarcus Aldridge, putting up 23-10’s on a nightly basis while keeping the Blazer’s relevant, didn’t even make it. Neither did Monta Ellis, the NBA’s fifth leading scorer and resident energy bunny—averaging almost 42 minutes a night. Wake me up when this happens again (oh right, we’re primed for a decade of more of top flight All-Star contests!).

I could stop there, but you, readers, deserve more evidence. Here’s a full breakdown of why, exactly, you should spend your weekend watching events that have been mediocre at best the last decade. Here you go:

The Rosters:

East starters: Dwyane Wade (G), Derrick Rose (G), Dwight Howard (C), LeBron James (F), Amare Stoudemire (F)

East Reserves: Ray Allen (G), Rajon Rondo (G), Joe Johnson (G), Chris Bosh (F), Kevin Garnett (F), Paul Pierce (F), Al Horford (C)

West Starters: Kobe Bryant (G), Chris Paul (G), Yao Ming (mercifully replaced by Kevin Love) (C), Carmelo Anthony (F), Kevin Durant (F)

West Reserves: Deron Williams (G), Russell Westbrook (G), Manu Ginobili (G), Blake Griffin (F), Tim Duncan (F), Pau Gasol (F), Dirk Nowitzki (F), Kevin Love (F)

1. The Celtics DOMINATE the Eastern reserves with four selections. Miami’s “Big three” is also present on the East team, which will make for some interesting locker room interaction. Do they let Rondo into the huddle?

2. Blake Griffin we’ll be the biggest attraction all weekend, but we could see something truly special in the All-Star game. I will most certainly lose my shit if Blake Superior and Chris Paul connect on a full court alley-oop all over Chris Bosh’s grill. It’s really a shame Blake can’t dunk on Pau Gasol…I think he should anyway.

3. How loaded is the west? Depending on who you talk to, the NBA’s best point guard is a reserve (Williams), the league’s best rebounder needed Stern intervention to get in (Love), the worst All Star is Tim Duncan (a sure fire hall of famer), and all but one guy on that list (Gasol) is or has been a franchise player. Wow.

4. Doc Rivers is taking nearly his entire starting lineup with him, how does he manage it? He doesn’t want to play favorites, but he also doesn’t want to upset his guys.

5. Rondo and Rose don’t like each other (going back to Team USA over the summer when Rose essentially took Rondo’s spot on the team). The Celtics big four and Miami’s big three really hate each other. Everyone hates Kevin Garnett. That’s a lot of bad blood on the East. It’s gonna’ be fascinating to watch how they interact both on the court and on the bench.

Rumor has it that Derrick Rose isn’t too fond of LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. Rumor also has it that Wade doesn’t like Rose because Rose wasn’t fond of the idea of joining forces with another superstar. Both are insane competitors, how does this play out?

6. We’ve got five sets of real life teammates this year. That always makes the game more enjoyable from a basketball perspective as guys who know how to play with each other have an undeniable advantage. Wade and James really put on a show in last year’s game, with several months of experience together; we could be in for something special. And I’m just dying to see all four Celtics check in at once, how cool would that be?

I’ve been tinkering with the lineups, and these are my favorites:
Fast break Heaven

-Rajon Rondo, LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Amare Stoudemire, Dwight Howard.

Rondo would have so many options his face would explode.

Alley-oop orgy

-Chris Paul, Russell Westbrook, Blake Griffin, Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Durant

Chris Paul, arguably the best passer in the league, should be able to throw a handful of passes to Blake for face crushing alley-oops.

The young guns

-Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul, Kevin Durant, Kevin Love, Blake Griffin

Out of principal, this needs to happen.

World’s best crunch time lineup

-Chris Paul, Kobe Bryant, Carmelo Anthony, Dirk Nowitzki, Kevin Durant

Why not?

7. Best Battles:

-Rose vs. Williams (battle of the best PG’s alive)

-Howard vs. Duncan (old vs. new school)

-Wade vs. Bryant (best young 2-guard vs. used-to-be-the-best 2-guard)

-Kevin Garnett vs. everybody (Possibly the most hated player in the league vs. everyone who hates him)

Events to watch

Sprite Slam Dunk Contest:

Last year, like always, I was excited to watch the dunk contest. Unfortunately, it was a cathartic, embarrassing, and putrid display of dunking prowess—more like something you would see at your local high school gymnasium (I’m looking at you Gerald Wallace). Nate Robinson won simply because he was shorter than everyone else. This year figures to be much, much better. The entrants are Blake Griffin, Serge Ibaka, JaVale McGee, and DeMar DeRozan. All are young (only McGee is over 21—and he’s only 23), all soak up the spotlight like a sponge, and all are eager to prove themselves. Griffin is the most freakish athletic specimen in the league, McGee is a seven footer who once tried to dunk from the free throw line mid-game, Ibaka is another athletic freak, and DeRozan is the only guy here who has experience in the dunk contest. This has the makings of the best one ever…

Celebrity Game:




Don’t laugh; this one is always morbidly fascinating. Ever catch that new show My Strange Addiction on TBS? It sounds as bad as it is; last night focused on a woman who eats toilet paper. It’s one of those shows you can’t stop watching. You know you’re disgusted, you know you’re wasting precious time you won’t ever get back; you know you’ll lay in your bed at night for an hour thinking about it, but you just can’t turn it off. That’s what the celebrity game is like. It’s a ghastly display of basketball. Watching Terrell Owens the past two years refuse to pass, brick jump shots off the back iron, and miss dunks made me legitimately angry. This year’s promises to be EPIC.

Here’s the lineup: Magic Johnson, Justin Bieber, Scottie Pippen, Bill Walton, AC Green, B.J Armstrong, Chris Mullin, Jalen Rose, Ty Burrell, Rob Kardashian, Zach Levi, Jason Alexander, and Common.

I’ll tune in just to watch Justin Bieber. Seriously. You’re lying to yourself if you wouldn’t want to see what Bieber is capable of on a basketball court. What if he’s good? What if he can dunk? What if Scottie Pippen mercilessly stuffs it in his face possession after possession forcing Bieber to run to the bench, tears streaming down his face? All of this is in play…

What about Ty Burrell, the heinously awkward father on Modern Family? Or Bill Walton, whose feet are unrecognizable after approximately 73 surgeries? What if Magic still has it? Why is Chris Mullin so ugly? Who the hell is Zach Levi?

One last point: If you were to come up with a “guys you could never imagine playing basketball” All Star team, Jason Alexander would have to be on it right? Throw in Larry David, Chris Berman, Dan Snyder, and John Clayton. Now that’s a team!

Three-point contest:

The lineup: Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, James Jones, Kevin Durant, Dorell Wright, Daniel Gibson.

Ray Allen, the best three point shooter ever?! Paul Pierce, defending champion, having his best three point shooting season of his career?! Kevin Durant, the second best basketball player in the world?! James Jones, receiving six open three’s a night?! Dorell Wright, most made threes in the league?! Daniel Gibson, because they needed someone else?! Yes please!

For the first time in recent memory, we have real star power here!

When your worst All Star is Tim Duncan, the best power forward ever, you know the NBA is going through a golden age. This weekend will have interesting subplots, insane young talent, an old school vs. new school complex, Justin Bieber playing basketball, and Kanye West making a “surprise” appearance—what more could you ask for?

I know: Yao Ming!!!

Layman's guide to the NFL labor talks

I just spent the last four hours of my miserable existence sifting through every possible scrap of information involving the NFL’s pending apocalypse. That’s how complicated this stuff is.

So what do you need to know in preparation for months and months of bitter negotiations between greedy owners and a fumbling players union? An ass load of stuff, in fact. I’ve attempted to gather as much information as humanly possible, sprinkle in some humor, drop in some wisdom, and stir it all up into one dry, inedible, shit-soufflé of labor negotiations. You’re lucky I wrote this, because it was boring as hell…

Many thanks to articles by Peter King, Michael Silver, Pro Football Talk, and various NFL.com and ESPN reports for helping me wrap my brain around this stuff.

1. Will there be a lockout?

Yes, it’s virtually certain at this point. That doesn’t mean part of the season will automatically be missed, but if a new agreement isn’t devised by March fourth, a lockout will be in place. BUT, as outlined later, owners don’t have to implement a lockout of the players.

2. What exactly is the strategy of the owners and the league?

To put it blatantly, the owners feel like they got screwed by the last CBA (collective bargaining agreement)deal in 2006. It’s a widely held belief that several owners (no one really knows how many) are willing to grit this out and drive the union to its breaking point (or beyond). Depending on how many of the owners represent that line of thought, it could be bad news for us peons. The owners are clearly driving a hard bargain, and seem willing to lose as many games as necessary in order to strike a deal that benefits them much more than the one about to expire.

While the owners may be content to bunker down for an extended period of time, the league badly wants a deal in place as soon as possible. Like now, in fact. Here’s what the NFL hopes: 490 players are slated to become free agents this season, and unlike players firmly under contract, the free agents will start missing checks in March. If enough of them speak out, tremendous pressure will be placed upon the union to get a deal done by the March fourth deadline. The league believes that will push the players union to rush a deal through in order to placate the 490 FA’s…nearly one third of the league.

3. Well, crap, what can the union do?

The Players Union has one major trick up their sleeve: the ability to decertify from a legally recognized workers union to a collection of individual workers. Considering the NFLPA (player’s association) met with players from every team to gain advance approval for such an act, decertification is certainly in play. The potential of decertification has been heavily criticized by the league, but as Pro Football Talk aptly put it,

“Some think that the NFL would challenge the maneuver as a sham, but such an approach would entail P.R. risks, since the NFL would be using litigation in order to force a lockout on the players. Given that the NFL has repeatedly criticized the union for using litigation in place of negotiation, it would be a challenging exercise in double-talk for the league to resort to litigation against the union.”

So what happens if decertification does indeed happen? Take a deep breath…

So, if the union disbands, the NFL would inevitably attempt to place rules for free agency, the draft, and the salary cap across the 32 “different” businesses (each NFL franchise). That would then provoke the Union to file an antitrust lawsuit against the NFL. But of course, this has to be a little more complicated. There’s a chance the union may be bluffing about decertification because they are afraid they could lose the lawsuit.

So to recap, the union can decide to decertify, thus provoking the NFL to write up a whole new set of laws that will need to apply to each franchise, thus provoking the Union to file suit. BUT this may all be a bluff because the player’s union is a bunch of wussies.

Holy Crap

4. What is this revenue sharing issue I keep hearing about?

Basically, in the 2006 CBA extension, players earned 59.6 percent of total revenue and of the nine billion dollars the NFL earns annually, the owners received one billion off the top before the players got their share. The owners want to increase that sum to two billion...
A plan was also implemented in which the league’s 15 highest earning teams subsidized the league’s other 17. Owners don’t like this for three reasons: 1. They’re greedy pricks. 2. The players get too much money. 3. Poorer teams have really favorable stadium deals while richer ones don’t. Number three in particular is very important. Essentially, the most successful owners are writing BIG checks to help fund stadiums of another, less successful team. Therefore, that less well-off team suddenly has a greater profit margin because they pay so little for their stadium.

So here’s what’s going on: There’s a potential war happening just under the surface between the most successful owners (those among the top 15) and the less successful (those among the bottom 17). They of course, don’t want this to happen, so they believe that by paying the players less, that leaves more cash for themselves, and therefore, permanently solving the revenue sharing issue. According to Pro Football Talk, the owners want to keep this under wraps—and they’re somewhat amazed the union has yet to bring it up.

5. Why did the league file an unfair labor practice charge against its players union?

Technical answer: The league believes the union is “running out the clock” thus avoiding reaching a new agreement by the March third deadline so it can decertify and file an antitrust lawsuit.

Blitzswish’s version: Both sides are acting like second graders caught stealing cookies; if this thing is going to get done, the incessant finger pointing needs to stop. Just last week the union proposed a new deal in which the owners subsequently stormed out because they didn’t like it. I could be mistaken, but don’t negotiations involve both sides talking about their differences and settling on a compromise? I guess we never really grow up after all, we just learn to hide our inner child.

6. In the event of a lockout, what will the offseason look like?

A barren wasteland devoid of free agency, trades, OTA’s, mini-camps, training camps, or even preseason games (assuming a deal isn’t in place by August). According to Peter King, if the lockout extends into the preseason/regular season we could see a freeze of all potential free agents in place. A freeze-out in which free agents would need to remain with their current teams would be necessary because of the chaos that would result from a week-long free agency period right before the beginning of a season put together on the fly. Could you imagine, say the Raiders, attempting to resign restricted free agent Nnamdi Asomugha as they prepare for their first game of the season? As awesome as it sounds, utter chaos would ensue.

7. Replacement games anyone?

During the last lockout—in 1987, three weekends worth of games were held with replacement players. This weakened the union’s resolve as numerous veterans quit the strike to play in these “replacement games”. It would suck balls not to have real football, but don’t tell me you wouldn’t be morbidly fascinated watching a 450 pound Jamarcus Russell launch bombs to some car salesman picked off the street because they needed another guy. Call me crazy, but it’s very much in play.

Also in play:

1. Players staging their own games: Assuming they could find a venue (easier than you would think in today’s world) and a T.V network not already in business with the NFL (There’s plenty, examples include TNT, TBS, Versus, The Food Network). Brady to Fitzgerald anyone?

2. The UFL: Some even believe the United Football League, formed in 2009, was built with the impending NFL lockout in mind.

8. So those rich bastards finally work something out, what happens?

It’s mid-October, America is in the midst of a football famine, I’m recovering from a severe concussion after getting rocked by James Harrison in a scrimmage, Peyton Manning is holding Roger Goodell hostage in Lucas Oil Stadium, Demaurice Smith has fled to a remote island in the Pacific, and through all this a new CBA has been agreed upon. What does it say?

Some likely outcomes:

1. An 18 game schedule

As vehemently opposed to this as I am, the reality is that it will likely happen. Both sides—the owners and players union—will need to make some concessions to get this new labor deal through. One compromise, I believe, will be the implementation of a longer regular season. In fact, as Michael Silver of Yahoo! Sports said, the players union will likely use the player’s opposition to the 18 game regular seasons as a bargaining chip designed to extract other concessions.

2. A Rookie-wage scale

Sam Bradford, last year’s number one draft pick is guaranteed $50 million dollars—more than what three time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady is guaranteed even with his new contract. I think pretty much everyone besides future NFL prospects is on board with a rookie wage scale much like the NBA’s current system. It’s ludicrous that unproven draftees are making more money than proven stars. It’s also made the number one overall pick more of a detriment than something to covet. What team wants to pay a prospect—one who hasn’t even proved he can play at the highest level—more money than even the most recognizable faces of the NFL?

The good news is that this new pay scale is very likely to be implemented. According to Michael Silver:

“The players, in fact, have already put forth a proposal that would implement a rookie wage scale, sending a letter to the league last February detailing a “Proven Performance Plan.” The plan called for rookie deals to be reduced in length to three years – the union later said it would agree to a four-year threshold – and created a revenue pool that would fund incentives for players who outperform their contracts and benefit retired players.”

3. A protection plan for retired players

The new CBA will likely ensure the the union and the owners contribute to a fund set up to benefit ex-players either destitute or debilitated. Not only would this be morally correct, but it would improve public relations for both sides.

9. How many TMZ pictures of half-naked players walking out of strip clubs smoking pot surrounded by multiple women will we see?

Possibly quite a few. If there is no CBA in place, the NFL has no authority over the players. They can’t test for substance abuse, enforce a code of conduct, or otherwise maintain any sort of control over 21 year old kids making more money than they know what to do with. So hide your wife, hide your kids, but most importantly…hide your wife.

10. Why the f*** would the NFL and Union cancel a second day of negotiations???

Imagine an advanced civilization from the outer most reaches of space is about to invade Earth. The most powerful leaders in the world meet in Washington D.C to discuss this impending war, and attempt to formulate some solutions. You, as a citizen of the world, are terrified out of your freaking mind because your home is about to be blown to hell by some aliens from God knows where. You flip on the news, after eight solid hours of flipping your lid, only to learn that world leaders have cancelled a second day of brain storming. That essentially, is exactly what the Union and NFL just did—they cancelled a day of negotiations that could decide the next decade or more of professional football. Do they realize the stakes????????

They have until midnight of March third before the current CBA expires! That’s 18 days! Every freaking hour of negation is as valuable as a pound of gold! The fate of a civilization doesn’t rest on their shoulders, merely that of thousands of low level workers employed by the NFL and the fate of nine billion dollars. NINE. BILLION. DOLLARS. That’s nine billion more than I have in my wallet at this very moment…

11. So no football, should Sunday be dead to me?

Hell no! This a chance for every man to reconnect with his significant other, pursue other interests, or what I’ll be doing, repeatedly bashing my head against a buzz saw because I have nothing to write about.

Here’s the bottom line: we’re in for a dragged out, long labor negotiation like a bizzaro Micky Ward fight. The owners want one thing: a better deal for themselves, less money for the players, while the players want another thing: a fair deal, a better retirement plan, and most of all, a pay check. Both sides, in the end, will have to make some concessions and meet somewhere in the middle. Coming out of this, both corners need to feel like they got the better end of the bargain.

We all know the NFL makes incomprehensible amounts of money, and the owners recent claims of decreased margins of profit, are in my opinion, bullshit. This is about teams not making as much money as they perceive they should be. The owners need to figure out this revenue sharing thing, a rookie wage scale needs to be implemented, and most of all, someone needs to shut Jerry Richardson up.

I think a deal gets done, and I think the post 2011-football world ends up in a better place than it was post 2006 CBA deal. But what will it take, and at what cost? If stubborn owners continue to cancel negotiations in the midst of the biggest labor crisis in the past twenty years, and refuse to compromise, please calmly wave goodbye to the 2011-2012 season.

And God forbid we have a lockout in the NBA next season, I might have to write about baseball. Ughhhhhhhh……

Sports Announcer Power Rankings

1. Joe Beninati

I don’t watch too much hockey, but when I do, the game becomes roughly 13 times more exciting with Beninati supplying the play-by-play. I can’t get enough of the way he belts out: SCORRREEEEEE!!!!!! I like it so much I watched this clip like four times in a row: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1TeXrr0qPs. You should too.

2. Ron Jaworski

For an announcer to reach the pinnacle of his profession, he must be exceptional at two of the following traits: 1. An encyclopedic knowledge of the game in question, and an ability to translate that knowledge into something the average fan can understand. 2. An ability to analyze even the most complex workings of a sport in a simple and quick manner. 3. The ability to share unusual and interesting information with the audience that is definitely important, but not something most would know. 4. The ability to give an inside look into the sport, probably because they played or coached in it for a long time. 5. A smooth/exciting voice with an innate ability to speak and a way with words. Jaworski possesses the first four, and even has a flair for the dramatic, and an exciting voice. His ability to analyze football is second to none…

3. Chris Collinsworth

Out of all the ranked announcers, Collinsworth has perhaps the best sense of humor and is refreshingly critical. If something questionable happens on the field of play or on the sidelines, Chris will let you know. Like Jaworski, he had a long and successful career in the NFL and remains a student of the game.

4. Gus Johnson

No one, NO ONE can call a game like Gus Johnson—not one person on the face of the Earth. His voice can reach decibels previously unknown to man, and the guy can get so excited during big moments that you fear for his life. How can someone who spawned multiple theories not be in the top five?
Gus Johnson calls the Jaguars miracle win last season: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIB42WqVUmk

5. Vin Scully

Scully is widely recognized as the best color commentator in baseball history, and is perhaps the best color commentator sports has ever seen—he’s that good. So why isn’t he higher? Because he’s getting up there in the years (he’ll probably retire soon), I don’t like baseball, and he just doesn’t bring to the table what the guys ranked #1-4 do. But he’s still phenomenal, and has taken consistency to a whole new level.

6. Mike Emrick

He’s known for his extensive vocabulary and incredible knowledge of hockey. Plus, he’s won a billion awards. He’s similar to Beninati, though I like Beninati’s voice just a touch more…

7. Al Michaels

Every Batman needs a Robin, every Jordan needs a Pippen, every Obama a Biden (cue uproarious laughter), and it’s no different in the world of color commentary. Michaels is perhaps the best “second man in the booth” we’ve ever seen—certainly the best there is today. For a long time he worked with John Madden, and provided a certain coolness and smoothness factor next to Madden’s seven inch long eyebrow’s and obnoxious voice. Now he plays second fiddle to Chris Collinsworth, and does an excellent job. Michaels might not have the knowledge of Madden or Jaworski, but he certainly has the suaveness…and the hair.

8. Marv Albert

Oh! A facial! Marv Albert trademarked that phrase, and remains the only person in the world allowed to use it without receiving a couple of weird looks. Regardless, Albert is the voice of basketball and was born to do play by play.

9. Jeff Van Gundy

A former coach, Van Gundy understands the X’s and O’s of the game like nobody else. He also has an educated opinion about all things going on in the NBA world, most of which I agree with. On the other hand, he can often be over bearing, obnoxious, and has a voice that will go right through you…just like his brother.

10. Mark Jackson

Jackson is another former player-turned commentator in the vein of Ron Jaworski and Chris Collinsworth. Much like those two, he brings a deep understanding of the game to the table. He can try too hard with his voice sometimes, and he’s liable to have at least one “did he just pull that out of his butt crack?” opinion per game.

11. Mike Breen

Breen is boring, but he’s your typical play-by-play guy. Good voice, knows when to get excited-but not too excited, never runs over his partner, and has even restrained from cracking jokes at Hubie Brown’s expense—quite a feat.

12. Jim Nantz

Nantz is lucky enough to have a voice smooth as silk, and a comb over amongst the greatest I’ve ever seen. No wonder he’s best known for covering the PGA tour…


13. Kevin Harlan

Not only does Harlan have a great voice, but he has the best catchphrase I’ve ever heard a color commentator use, “No regard for human life”. It doesn’t get any better than that…

14. Mike Fratello

The “czar” is entirely undeserving of such a spectacular nickname. I have nothing bad to say about Fratello, but nothing good either…he just is.

15. Mike Tirico

Mike Tirico talks too much, thinks he knows more than he actually does, has never been particularly good on Monday Night Football, and apparently, is a little bit sex crazed.

16. Troy Aikman

Unlike former NFLer’s Collinsworth and Jaworski, Aikman is no orator. Sure he’s got knowledge about the game—and the quarterback position—but what good does that do anybody if he can’t get across his point?

17. Hubie Brown

Brown was a great coach and has an absolutely astounding knowledge of the game of basketball. Unfortunately, Hubie looks like he could die at any moment, sounds like he could die at any moment, and is poor with words. I’ll throw him a bone; he sure knows what’s happening on the basketball court…


18. John Gruden

I like this guy! This guy works hard every day in practice, and worked his butt off in camp. This guy can really throw the ball. I like this kid!—Gruden speak

176. Phil Simms

You know you suck at color commentary when someone dedicates a whole twitter feed to you, and spends their Sundays recording every strange/incorrect/stupid thing you say.

Phil Simms everybody!

274. Matt Millen

Can someone explain to me how exactly Matt Millen is a millionaire? First he destroyed the Detroit Lions franchise with so many awful draft picks you could open up a museum, and then he vomits all over the color commentary on Thursday Night Football. Putting Theisman and Millen in the same booth is like hiring Bush and Biden to deliver your father’s eulogy.

Note: I’m sure there are tons of really talented play-by-play guys across the country that work for individual teams and are not that well-known. Unfortunately, you’ve got to gain national recognition to nab a spot on my power rankings.

Green and yellow, green and yellow

What a season by the Green Bay Packers. They put a record 15 players on injured reserve, including their starting running back, starting tight end, and best middle linebacker. They lost future hall of fame defensive back Charles Woodson midway through the title fight as well as veteran wideout Donald Driver—seen standing in a boot on the sidelines. Pittsburgh, also, suffered no shortage of injuries. Their offensive line consisted of three backups. Three! Thank god Roethlisberger was quarterback, because he may have been the only passer in the game today who could stay upright playing behind two backup tackles, and a backup center. There’s no way these two squads should have made it all the way to the big show, but they did—thanks to incredible depth, a wealth of inspirational veterans, coaching, and two of the best quarterbacks alive. Congratulations to both organizations, as they both tore through much healthier teams.

I hate to bring this miserable topic up, but it needs to be said. Who the hell wants an 18 game schedule besides greedy owners, and a commissioner who kisses ass with the best of them? I’m literally shaking as I write this—it makes me that angry. SI writer Peter King polled his twitter followers about the addition of two extra games, and 81.2 percent voted either to keep it the way it is or to knock off two preseason games. So no, Roger Goodell, fans don’t want an 18 game schedule. And why is that? Because teams are consistently devastated by injury, and as we saw this season, even the Super Bowl participants. The Steelers and Packers persevered despite the wounds because of depth, but is that what we really want? Could you imagine how many more injuries would be suffered with the addition of two extra games? A CRAP TON. Teams would be literally dragging themselves to the finish line like one of those morbid “Death Race” films. Star power is part of what makes sports so great. Sorry Matt Cassel, but 2008 just wasn’t as fun without Tom Brady. How often in life does the disease of more ruin great things? I fear that the NFL is getting two big for its own good, and the 18 game schedule will push it over the top.

Go ahead, make it 18, make some more money in the short term, and watch when no one pays attention to the NFL as the talent pool is consistently deluded by the increased amount of injuries. GOOD IDEA.

I feel like Frank Barone right now, but on to the next complaint. Anyone else a little disgusted by Seating Gate, even if the victims did get a triple refund at face value? The Super Bowl is an event, a night to remember. Not many folks are lucky enough to attend one, and those that do treasure the experience forever. I was able to attend the 2007 Bowl’, and along with rolling my first blunt (kidding), and surviving a fishing trip in which I nearly died of hypothermia thanks to gale force winds and torrential rain (at least, that’s how I remember it) it was the highlight of my life. Getting triple the amount of what you paid to attend the game is not a bad consolation prize, but robbing a fan of a moment that will last a lifetime (don’t worry, this isn’t a Zales commercial) is a crime.

When my father and I attended the 2007 Super Bowl, one of the biggest observations that stuck with us (besides the anguish accompanying the incredible Velcro-helmet catch made by a player no longer in the league) was the meticulous organization that made 90,000 drunk adults piling into a stadium seem like a cake walk. We barely ever had to wait, the lines moved quickly, and it was overall a smooth operation. For those of us used to waiting 6 hours for some stupid ride at Six Flags it was quite a shock.

By all accounts, the operation in Dallas was not nearly as painless, including a number of fans not able to take their seats because a section of the stadium consisting of “temporary seating” was deemed unfit by the fire marshal. According to The Dallas Morning News the NFL knew of the issue well before the game, yet decided to zip it hoping it would resolve itself. Sort of like hoping the snow would just go away, right? Roger Goodell announced that the 400 affected fans would attend the next Super Bowl as guests of the NFL, but if I’m a Steelers fan I’m still not happy. Few people besides the exclusive “never miss a Super Bowl club” are able to attend multiple championships. Even fewer can enjoy watching their favorite team win a championship in person (I will now flush my head in a toilet repeatedly).

In that case, it’s a ticket worth a million dollars.

Game Thoughts

1) Packers were the most complete team in the NFL

First we thought it was the Falcons, then the Patriots for sure, and then nobody had any idea. But this Green Bay Packers squad was the most complete in the NFL. I can already here you screaming that the Pack amassed only 50 rushing yards on the ground against Pittsburgh, but nobody runs on that defense anyway. Green Bay won it all because their defense picked up the slack when the offense fell flat, and the offense did the same for the defense. That’s the sign of a true champion. Quick, someone grab me before I jump out the window because of the Patriot’s defense…

2) Ted Thompson shows everyone how to build a team

Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, Greg Jennings, B.J Raji—core of the Packers, all acquired via the draft. Tramon Williams, Green Bay’s other corner was cut in camp by the Texans in 2006 and wisely picked up by the Pack. He’s now a Pro Bowl level defensive back. The few free agency moves Green Bay has done have been of the low risk, high reward flavor. Don’t get me wrong, dropping Favre was a titanic risk, but Ted Thompson and company knew what they had in Aaron Rodgers, and they knew they couldn’t leave him on the bench for long. So in that respect, I guess the only risk came from the backlash they would suffer at the hands of the media.

And where would the Packers be without the depth Thompson amassed? How many offenses recover from the loss of their staring halfback and Tight End? What about their starting middle linebacker, traditionally the quarterback of the defense? Green Bay had a continuous stream of athletes capable of stepping into the starter’s shoes which allowed the team to not miss a beat. That’s an organization with a true eye for talent…

3) All of us can take a little something from the journeys of Clay Matthews and Aaron Rodgers

For those working towards a goal, whatever it may be, or however unattainable it may seem, take inspiration from two of Green Bay’s biggest stars. Matthews didn’t even start in high school, as his coach (his own father) declined to start him because of his (then) small size. He garnered no interest from recruiters and opted to attend USC in hopes of becoming a walk on for the Trojans. There, he didn’t become a starter until his senior season, but worked hard enough to earn three consecutive Special Teams Player of the Year awards. And of course, the rest his history.

Aaron Rodgers, because of his short stature out of High School (5’10), opted to attend Butte Community College instead of accepting a walk-on offer from Illinois, his only offer. At Butte, his play was exceptional and he was recruited by the University of California, Berkeley. At Cal, Rodgers set records, led his team to victory, and was picked 24th overall in the 2005 draft. That’s two guys, through hard work and a thick skin, reaching the pinnacle of their sport. Rodgers may have just grabbed the title of “Best Quarterback in the League” while Clay Matthews is certainly among the most feared pass rushers in the game. What a couple of stories…

4) Green Bay uses the spread attack to great effect…

It wasn’t a big surprise that the Pack utilized the spread against Pittsburgh; after all, they deactivated their fullback before game time. But it worked well, as many analysts predicted. When Rodgers was protected, he threw some amazing balls, and put up 31 against the best defense in the league. If it wasn’t for James Jones’s huge drop the Pack would have put up 37—close to the 39 New England scored against the Steelers with their spread heavy attack in week ten. Pittsburgh badly needs more depth in the back end, and a better man coverage corner that is so critical to Dick LeBeau’s scheme.

Half-time show rating: 6/10

If you blocked your ears, concentrated on either Fergie or the perplexing helmet-thing Will.i.am wore, and enjoyed Usher’s dancing, it wasn’t that bad. And by not that bad, I mean it’s better than most of the shows we’ve had to suffer through over the past five years. Say what you want about the Black Eyed Peas singing ability, but the beats were enjoyable, the costumes were just wacky enough to keep me looking, and the appearance of Slash and Usher were just surprising enough to keep me interested. But I will say this, if I ever hear Fergie massacre “Sweet Child of Mine” again—one of my all-time favorite songs—I might have an aneurysm.



Super Bowl Commercials—5.5/10

Pretty big letdown this year, though there were a few gems. My favorite was the Snicker’s promo with Richard Lewis not quite feeling up to lumberjacking (believe it or not, that’s a word). Seeing Richard Lewis never gets old, he looks like a mortician on his way to a My Chemical Romance concert.

My other favorites included the Volkswagen add with the kid dressed up as Darth Vader (not necessarily funny, but really cute) and the Eminem one where he was reppin’ the Motor City.

And my man liscence would need to be revoked if I didn't mention the Kim Kardashian Sketchers promo. That one in itself bumped up the commercial rating a healthy 2.5 points. Sketcher's really understands it's viewership, doesn't it?

Also, am I the only person on the planet looking forward to the Super Eight movie? Haven’t heard any talk about the film at all.



What a great six months of football--let's get ready for an intense, maddening, and fascinating offseason. As, always, I'll be on the front lines reporting to you the latest and greatest information. And by front lines, I mean lying on my bed, sipping a lemonade, in a coma-like state.

Super Bowl

If you weren’t sure, the Super Bowl is Sunday, 6:30 PM. Maybe all six of you that read this blog have been wondering why I haven’t written about the big game all week. Truthfully, I’ve been so sickened by all the hype that I haven’t had the will, nor the desire. I would much rather focus my attention on the Pro Bowl and Blake Griffin…that’s the kind of stand-up guy I am. Or it might just be because I’m not cool and I don’t get to go to Media Day and fawn over all the players and eat Texas Barbeque and witness the greatness that is Jerry Jones’s new shrine to football awesomeness. I’m not bitter, I swear.

Without further ado, my pick and rationale (not exactly in that order):

Something unique happened leading up to the championship game. Green Bay has been so overhyped over the course of the season that people are starting to move over to the Steelers side because they are more experienced and have a defense people believe is unbeatable. So all of a sudden Pittsburgh has become the favorites. That’s BS if you ask me, for several reasons.

This is why the Green Bay Packers will win:

1) Dome Field: The Cowboy’s new stadium isn’t exactly a dome, but it pretty much is—so just go with it. The Packers have scored 32 a game when they’ve played in domes. Their offense is fast as hell, and dome-like conditions only enhance that speed. They have a 99’ St. Louis Rams feel, and playing in ideal field conditions will only help them.


2) It’s the year of Lombardi: Seriously, how can the Green Bay Packers not win in a year commemorating the greatest football coach of all time who happened to lead the Packers to five league championships in the 1960’s. It would be inconceivable.


3) Aaron Rodgers—the executioner?: Anyone else noticed that Rodgers—the ultimate good guy, from bench warmer to Super Bowl quarterback –has dispatched two quarterbacks with bad reputations (Cutler and Vick) and now has a chance at Big Ben—the ultimate villain? How awesome would it be for Rodgers to beat the dog torturer (he’s turned his life around, I’ll give you that one), the “I’d rather be in Egypt right now than on this field” quarterback, and then to end his crusade with the defeat of Rapist-berger. It would the greatest 40 day tear of all time. Mark my words, the football gods will make this happen.


4) Pittsburgh’s defense has shown weakness against the spread offense: As long as Green Bay can hold against the blitz and protect Aaron Rodgers, which I believe they will (Steelers only sacked him once in their 2009 meeting) then they can expose Pittsburgh’s secondary. The Pack won’t have a chance to run against the Steelers incredible front (attempted only 12 in the 2009 meeting), but they will take a page from the Patriots and use a spread attack full of quick slants and digs. Green Bay’s wide receivers are simply more talented than Pittsburgh’s defense backs, and that will be the difference in the game. Assuming, of course, Rodgers is suitably protected.


5) Pressure on Ben: It’s official, Steelers center Maurkice Pouncey is out for the Super Bowl. That leaves Pittsburgh with two back up tackles on each side and a backup center. They got to the Super Bowl with such a morbid line, but this is the week if finally falls apart—the loss of Pouncey being the domino. With B.J Raji and Cullen Jenkins commanding double teams from the inside, coupled with Clay Matthews relentless pressure look for Big Ben to be under heavy fire all game. This can often be a bad thing for the defense as Roethlisberger is so good on broken plays, but I believe Green Bay will be able to manufacture pressure without the need for extensive blitzing. Therefore, it will be easier to contain Ben and force him to throw from the pocket.

The Green Bay Packers have everything going for them except experience. Meanwhile, the Steelers have been there, done that—appearing in their third Super Bowl in six years. As Trent Dilfer pointed out, that “been there, done that” feeling can sometimes cause complacency. With most of the Packers roster experiencing their first Championship game, they may be more locked in and focused. No one knows that for sure, but it’s something to think about.

Green Bay has both the ability to pressure Ben without sending the house, and can exploit perhaps the only weakness in the Steeler’s vaunted defense. With the spirit of Lombardi watching over, the Packers dominate Pittsburgh.

Prediction: Packers-34, Steelers-24

Hope you enjoyed reading my picks over the past couple months; let’s hope we’ll have a season to enjoy next year.

Can we nuke the Pro Bowl?

I love to watch football, so much so in fact, that Sunday night I flipped on the Pro Bowl game, hoping it would be at least a little better than plowing through another 45 pages of Classic Readings in International Relations. I watched the first quarter, and abruptly came to the conclusion that not only would it be a better use of my time to continue reading about Neorealism, but it might in fact, be more entertaining. You can’t really understand how monumental that is unless you know me as a person. I’m the same guy that once decided to write a twelve paper on a book I didn’t read until the night before it was due. In short, I’m not quite the model student. So for me to choose International Relations over a football game is like Charlie Sheen deciding he’d rather spend an evening at the library instead of partying with pornstars and snorting suitcases full of crack.


Enough about my personal study habits, the real issue here is the state of the NFL’s All-Star game. Let’s first remind ourselves of what the All-Star game should be about. A showcase of the sport’s best talent all gathered in one place, right? It should be a spectacle, as fans get to watch the best players at their positions each duke it out—one dream team versus another. Sort of like in Madden when you switch on fantasy draft in franchise mode so you can build a dream team of your own. Who wouldn’t want to see Michael Vick throw bombs to Roddy White, Larry Fitzgerald, and Calvin Johnson for sixty minutes?

Anyone with half a brain knows that the Pro Bowl is anything but what I just described. It’s full of defensive lineman that pretend to rush the passer by pretending to battle in the trenches, only to dance around the quarterback for as long as possible and pretend to go for the sack. Seriously, have you ever seen a sack in a Pro Bowl—like ever? It’s full of linebackers that like to pretend the ball carrier has small pox and quarterbacks who are adept at contorting their face into a mask of frustration if they throw an interception—only they could care less. There’s so much disinterest in the Pro Bowl that you’d think you were back in remedial English all over again.

It’s not unusual for a sporting league’s All-Star game to be relaxed—it’s expected. The game (and days leading up to it) is as much for the players as they are for the fans. It’s a nice reward for the league’s finest players (you know, besides the zillions of dollars they make each season). But there is a much different feel accompanying the NBA’s, MLB’s, and even NHL’s premiere player showcase. I’ll start with the one I know best, NBA All-Star weekend. Before we even get to the game, there are tons of individual contests such as the three-point shootout, the dunk contest, and the HORSE game. Want to see how many uncontested threes Paul Pierce can hit, or what dunk Dwight Howard will try next, or want to see Kevin Durant try the zaniest shot he can come up with—and make it? NBA All-Star weekend is great like that. Shoot, there is even a celebrity game—being coached by Jimmy Kimmel and Bill Simmons this year.

Finally, we get to the game itself. No defense is played, of course—rather the leagues most gifted players attempting wild shots, crazy dunks, and physics-defying passes. Simply put its fun to watch— kind of like the Harlem Globetrotters. What NBA fan wouldn’t want to tune in? It’s like watching everything you tried to do on your driveway hoop only you failed miserably because you’re not 6’7 with the athletic grace of a cheetah. The MLB and NHL showcase games are similar to the NBA’s, with cool contests that display crazy skill intermixed with the All-Star game itself.

Why does the NFL’s version have to be so incredibly bland? The nature of the sport itself makes it hard to present an exciting (and watchable) Pro Bowl game. Let’s break this down:

1) Physicality: No sport is more physically taxing and dangerous than football. Think it’s a coincidence they only play 16 regular season games compared to 82 in basketball, or 162 in baseball? There is such a huge risk of injury on every play that there’s no way the NFL’s All-Star game could be played at anything close to full intensity. What player wants to risk serious injury in a “fun game” with no meaning?

2) Entertainment Value: Basketball is a beautiful sport to watch. It’s graceful. It’s entertainment in its purest form. The ABA, the NBA’s rival league in the 70’s became popular because it played “above the rim” unlike the less exciting NBA. Dunks are the most crowd pleasing and awe-inspiring athletic feat in sports. The NBA All-Star contest happens to be full of them. It’s way more viable to turn a basketball game into a crowd pleasing spectacle than in football. That’s not to say football isn’t entertaining, it’s just that its entertainment value lies more in bone crushing tackles and leaping one-handed catches. How often do you see a one handed touchdown grab compared to a dunk? My point exactly…

3) Strategy: If you’re a football junkie, then strategy is one of the greatest things about the sport. What formation is the offense in? What type of blitz was that? Do they run a 3-4 defense, or a Tampa-2? All questions die-hard fans love to ask and answer. An All-Star game effectively renders the strategy moot—not super important in basketball, but very important in football.

Half-Baked ideas to fix the Pro Bowl:

1) Allow Chad OchoCinco to design it…

Think any of my ideas are nuts? Chad would take them to a whole new level. And don’t lie to yourself; you would watch anything Chad was involved in, just for pure comedies sake.

2) Media Coaches…

I have a theory: Coaches HATE the pro bowl. Instead of attending the Senior Bowl they’re stuck formulating a game plan in which they cannot blitz, play man coverage, or basically use any modern football strategy. Rex Ryan will eventually coach the Pro Bowl and he will poop himself. To top it all off they get to coach players who don’t care and lead “practices” about as strenuous as my workout this morning. And they have to do all that instead of attending arguably the most important scouting event of the year? Cue 32 NFL coaches sadly nodding their heads in unison. Instead, fans should be allowed to vote two prominent football writers/reporters to coach each conference. Who wouldn’t enjoy watching John Clayton and Adam Schefter look at the play-call sheet like it’s written in Swahili? All of us snobby writers spend the majority of our miserable existence trashing coaches; don’t we deserve our moment in spotlight?



3) Razzle- Dazzle Football…

This is perhaps my most half-baked idea yet…my crowning achievement. Everyone’s played “Razzle-dazzle” football before—where you’re able to throw the ball when you catch it and make your way down field. It’s stupid, crazy, and incredibly fun. Instead of watching offensive and defensive lineman pretend to fight in the trenches, let’s load the field with skill position players and see what happens. How about this lineup: Michael Vick, Matt Ryan, Roddy White, Calvin Johnson, DeSean Jackson, Larry Fitzgerald, Greg Jennings, Michael Turner, LeSean McCoy, Adrian Peterson, and Devin Hester.

I know, we would be excluding some of the most important players on the field. But look, they work hard and gain little recognition all season, why not allow the lineman to watch from the sidelines and enjoy a reprieve?

The Razzle-dazzle idea completely destroys the integrity of the game, but isn’t it destroyed every January when 22 of the game’s best lineup and give less effort than a McDonald’s employee? We have two options here: Continue the Pro Bowl until it is eventually phased out because the Associated Press can’t even stop bashing it, or inject some flare/excitement into the game.

4) Throw in a silly contest or six…

Can Peyton Manning throw a football threw a tire from 55 feet away? How many balls can Larry Fitzgerald catch one-handed? Can Jamaal Charles outrun Chris Johnson? These are all questions that need to be answered. There’s a crap ton of cool contests we could come up with…

All other All-Star events are just that: events (even hockey), football should be no different. You know things are bad when a college student, one who watches football games like Lil’ Wayne smokes weed, chooses to study rather than watch the NFL’s premier showcase of talent. It’s a difficult sport to make an All-Star game out of, but we have an obligation to try.

Oh, and God help the Pro Bowl if we have an 18 game schedule, but that’s an idea for another column…